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Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Mark Des Cotes, one of my vehicles is a Kia Rondo, a make that is not sold in the USA, and I believe if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living. In today’s episode of Stuff I Learned Yesterday I talk about the magical power of asking.
Today’s Fun or should I say gross Fact of the Day: In the course of an average lifetime, while sleeping, you’ll eat around 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders, or more. Why do I all of a sudden feel like brushing my teeth and gargling?
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Here’s What I leaned yesterday
As I’ve mentioned before, my mom was a very good cook. She loved spending time in the kitchen concocting all sorts of amazing dishes. It was nothing for her to wake up and have breakfast and then immediately start figuring out stuff for supper. She was a stay at home mom so she had lots of time for this. My dad would come home from work each day and find a hot meal ready and waiting for him and he loved her for it. This was how it went 6 days a week. On Sundays however my mom took the day off and wouldn’t cook. Since my Dad didn’t know his way around a kitchen, Sundays became our eat out night, and this wasn’t fast food, I’m talking maitre d and candles on the table type places.
I spent most of my childhood visiting different restaurants each weekend. It wasn’t unusual for us to hop in the car after lunch and go for a 3 to 4 hour drive to some far away city just to try a restaurant my mom had heard of. My dad would turn it into a sight seeing trip by skipping the highways and instead drive us through scenic country roads.
Now, whenever we would get to the restaurant the script would go something like this. My dad and I would pick what we wanted to eat and then wait for my mom. She would take several minutes to examine each and every item on the menu seeing what foods were combined with what. When she was finally ready she would ask the waiter or waitress if she could talk to the chef. Very few restaurants refused this request. When the chef came to our table my mom would question him about some of the dishes inquiring about their ingredients or how they were made. Now I don’t know if you’ve ever talked to a chef at a restaurant before, but they love talking about their food. It’s their passion after all. Well, after a brief chat, my mom would ask the chef if he or she had any special dish she could try that wasn’t on the menu. A few would say no in which case my mom would just order a regular dish, but most would light up, and start suggesting plates to my mom. She would pick one out and the chef would run back to the kitchen to prepare it, often times delivering it to the table themselves. My mom always said she got the best meals this way. Chefs get tired of making the same dishes over and over so they embrace the chance to try something different and pour their love and passion into making it the best meal possible.
My mom would always make a point afterwards of going to the kitchen to personally thank the chef. And you can bet that if we ever returned to that restaurant she was remembered and treated like royalty.
Now, I make this sound like it was some great weekend treat for me, but in all honesty I was embarrassed. Why couldn’t my mom just order from the menu like everyone else? But to my mom, it was a challenge to see what she could get.
Unfortunately for me, she didn’t limit this game to restaurants. My mom was a master at getting discounts or special attention wherever she went. She was never rude or mean, in fact she had a gift that made people want to help her. I remember as a kid being dragged from store to store where she would negotiate a special price here or get something extra thrown in there. It was amazing what deals she would get, but at the same time I was embarrassed by it.
If you remember my episode from last week, I talked about how raising children is hard, and how you wont know if the lessons you are teaching them are sinking in until much later in life.
Well, I am my mother’s son.
Last year our family decided to spend spring break at Myrtle Beach in South Carolina. None of us had ever been that far south before so this was going to be a real treat for us. My wife spent hours and hours researching the area, figuring out what we wanted to see, and of course where we were going to stay. She started looking for hotels through those popular hotel websites. You know, the ones that advertise how they compare all the hotels in order to get you the best rates possible. After an extensive search she had settled on what hotel we were going to stay at and had found the best deal possible for a room with two double beds. We had one concern before booking so I called the hotel. Kim had noticed that some hotels mentioned that their pools only opened in April. We were going mid March, which would be too cold for the ocean, so we wanted to make sure the pools at the hotel we were staying at would be open. I called the hotel and talked to a very pleasant gentleman who assured me the pools would be open during our stay. Before hanging up I told the guy it would be our first trip to South Carolina. I told him we had found a great deal on his resort through a hotel booking website but I was wondering if there was anything better he could do for us. The man quickly jumped at the chance. Not only did he offer us a lower price, he upgraded us from a single room with two double beds to a suite with 2 bedrooms, a living room and a kitchenette. Plus he threw in breakfast for each day of our stay. Needless to say, we were thrilled and had a great vacation.
Now bare with me here. Last fall my wife and I were shopping for a new car. We had an old run down Ford Focus that was in pretty bad shape. The licence plate was expiring at the end of September and to renew it, the car had to pass an emissions test. Something every car in Ontario needs to do every two years. We knew the car wouldn’t pass and in order to fix it we would have to spend more money than the car was worth, which we weren’t willing to do.
Knowing the inevitable we started looking for another vehicle. We were tired of buying junkers that only lasted a few years so for the first time ever, Kim and decided to buy new. We spent several weeks test driving various makes and models before finally deciding on a Kia Rondo.
This was around the time that the 2015 models were starting to come out so there were great deals to be had on remaining 2014s. We drove to Ottawa, knowing we’d get a better selection at a higher traffic dealership than the one in our city. At the Kia dealership there we found the model we wanted in the exact colour we were hoping for. We negotiated a great price and even got them to throw in some bonus accessories we asked for. But for some reason I was hesitant to sign the papers. Well, I shouldn’t say for some reason, the reason was I really didn’t like the sales manager. The salesman we dealt with who showed us the car was great but when his manager got involved to close the deal it turned sour for us. First, he wouldn’t look at Kim, even when she asked a question. Then I asked a simple question and he answered with “are you stupid”. Insulted, Kim and I got up and walked out. I told the salesman that he could thank his manager for loosing him his commission.
For the next couple of days I kept having this nagging thought go through my head. They say a new car looses around 15% of its value as soon as you drive it off the lot. So why were we looking at new. We decided to visit the used car lot where we had bought our Ford Focus. Now I say used car lot only in the sense that they don’t sell new cars. The place is actually very classy and great to deal with, in fact, most of the cars I see driving around town have a sticker on the back from this dealership.
I talked to a salesman there and asked if he could find us a used 2014 Kia Rondo in the colour we wanted. The following day he called saying he found one, the right colour and only 16,000 KM on it (that’s under 10,000 miles). The price he was asking was $8000 less than the brand new one we almost bought the week before. If we wanted it all we had to do was drive over and sign the purchase papers and he would have it shipped in. If there was anything wrong with it when it arrived we were under no obligation to buy it. Kim and I were thrilled but before signing the papers I told the guy that the Kia dealership was offering us $800 in bonus accessories we really wanted, and if there was anything he could do. He talked to his manager and they agreed to throw in the same accessories at no extra charge. Four days later the car arrived and we drove it, along with our bonus accessories, home.
What did I learn?
These three completely different stories have something in common. Did you get it? Things were gained simply by asking for them.
It’s so simple when you think about it. If you want something, ask for it.
We’re taught as children to ask for things. Can I have a cookie? Can I go to the park? Can I buy these shoes? It’s one of the fundamental principals of life. If you don’t ask, you wont get. Of course we’re also taught that we don’t always get what we ask for. It might be too close to supper for a cookie or the shoes may be too expensive. Sure, we may be disappointed but at least we tried.
That’s fine for the smaller things but we tend to forget this principal when it comes to bigger things.
Regardless of big or small, asking for something should be easy, and yet so many people are afraid to do it. They get stressed out just thinking about asking for whatever. They would rather accept the status quo instead of risking rejection by having their question answered with a no.
Or, they get the notion in their head that there’s no way the answer will be yes so they never bother asking.
Maybe you’re one of these people. Thinking it’s just better not to ask. But I want you to imagine something. Imagine that your question is met with a yes.
What if you ask for both hot fudge and caramel on your ice cream sunday and they say yes?
What if you ask the store to throw in a free belt with the pants you’re buying and they say yes?
What if you ask for an upgrade to first class and they say yes?
What if you ask your boss for a raise and he says yes?
Sure any one of them could say no, but who cares, no harm would have come from it, but again, imagine if they say yes.
I got over $800 in car accessories simply by asking for it. I never thought they would agree, but they did.
Same for the hotel, I asked the guy if he could do better than what we found online. He could have said no and I would have been ok with it. But he said yes, and my family and I had a much better vacation.
I may have been embarrassed by my mothers actions when I was young but I learned and important lesson from her that has gotten me so many things in my life. Ask and you shall receive.
So take a chance, and ask. You never know what you’ll get in return.
That reminds me, Are you sending anything in to our Friday Forum? I’m asking.
I’m Mark Des Cotes and this has been stuff I learned yesterday.
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