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Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Darrell Darnell, I’m currently wearing my Wyld Stallyns t-shirt, and I believe that if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living. In today’s episode of Stuff I Learned Yesterday I share a lesson about self perception.
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Friday Forum
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What I Learned Yesterday:
Doorbell, dorknell, Darlene, four-eyes, big ears, dumbo, are those your girlfriend’s glasses, hey Larry Darrell and Darrell, where’s your other brother. Those are just a few of the things kids said to me growing up. I’m sure you can make your own list too. This teasing reality is part of growing up for most kids. Just because it’s normal doesn’t mean it’s easy. Sticks and stones do break bones and words hurt in deep ways too.
I’ve always been insecure. It has come a long way over the last 15 years, but it some situations, it’s still very real. As a teenager I struggled with the fact that I was so skinny. I wasn’t very muscular or athletic, I was scrawny. I remember someone once told me that fat would turn into muscle and peanut butter would make you fat. So one day I went to the store and bought a jar of peanut butter and ate on it all day just to try and put on some weight that would maybe turn to muscle.
Even throughout my college years I couldn’t seem to put on weight. At the age of 22 I weighed about 145 pounds. I ate whatever I wanted, which was great, but I hated being so skinny. I didn’t want to be like Arnold Schwarzenegger, I just wanted to be normal. I just wanted to gain about 15 or 20 pounds.
There’s no doubt that some of you have had issues that are opposite of that. Some of you are thinking that it would have been really nice to have been in my position. Funny how that works. We are a “grass is always greener” type of being, aren’t we?
The reality is that none of us are perfect and we are much better at noticing our flaws than anything else. We look at other people and wish that we had what they have and we have no idea that they might be looking at themselves and hating what they see or looking at something in us and wishing they had it.
While I know that guys struggle with their appearance and appearance related insecurities, women generally struggle even more. Why shouldn’t they? After all, they have been way more oversexualized than men have. They are the ones who have been told they have to paint their faces in order to be socially acceptable. They are the ones that have to look at nearly naked photoshopped models on nearly every magazine cover, clothing ad, department store, commercial, etc.
I love that there is a movement of women who have shown the world what they look like with no makeup, no photoshopping, and no stylists. Girls need to see the reality of the women they admire.
The city we live in is considered upper class by many people in Oklahoma City. The truth is, there are a lot of very well off people in my town, but there are a whole lot of people who aren’t even middle class. Still, kids will be kids, and they will often do things, say things, and expect things from other people, just so they can feel superior.
My daughter is 11. She does not have a cell phone and she won’t for at least 3-5 more years. We get most of her clothes from Target or WalMart. She doesn’t have the latest video game system, or even the one before that. She doesn’t have a portable gaming device. Because of these things, she gets made fun of at school. Ridiculous, right?
As parents, we have our work cut out for us. Kari and I work hard to make sure our kids understand that their value is not determined by what other people say or think about them. We tell them repeatedly that it is foolish to think that our importance can be contained or modified by something that will rip or wear out like clothes, or something that will soon be out of date like an electronic device. However, words, especially those from your peers, make a deep impact. And let’s face it, this problem, while more prevalent when we’re adolescents, doesn’t simply go away when we become adults.
Here’s what I’ve learned.
It’s easy to place our value in things that don’t matter or upon the words of people who are very likely trying to put a mask on their own flaws and insecurities. It’s easy to compare ourselves to others and find ourselves not measuring up. The truth is, comparison is the thief of joy.
So what do we do? Do we just ignore all external influences, be satisfied with who we are and simply go on with day to day stuff? Well, no.
There is a healthy balance here. Like anything that requires balance, finding that balance can be the hardest thing of all.
We have to be honest with ourselves. We have to be aware of our flaws and accept them. Everyone has them. We must also understand that not all flaws are created equal. Some flaws are not healthy and we need to be able to acknowledge those flaws and work toward diminishing them from our lives. Flaws in our character, based on prejudices, and founded in realms of superiority are not healthy. Flaws that involve a lack of self discipline, over inflated ego, any form of gluttony, or an absence of compassion are not healthy.
The bottom line is, there is value in being honest enough to be able to identify our flaws, but not let those flaws identify us as being less of a person. Likewise, we shouldn’t let the thoughts of others identify us as being less of a person. Let’s build each other up, encourage one another to strive for a higher place than we are today, and acknowledge the good we see in those around us. After all, character matters most.
I’m Darrell Darnell and this has been stuff I learned yesterday.
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