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Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Darrell Darnell, I am super excited that the NBA season has started, and I believe if you are learning, you aren’t living. In today’s episode of Stuff I Learned Yesterday I share a story of brokenness that brought about gratitude.

Today’s fun fact: Can you believe November is already here? To help bring in the penultimate month of the year, here are some facts about November.

• The name ‘November’ comes from the Latin for nine (novem), as it was the ninth month of the Roman calendar.
• Today, November 2, is the only date on which two US presidents were born: Warren Harding (born 1865) and James Polk (1795).
• In any given year, November starts on the same day of the week as March and ends on the same day of the week as August.

What I learned yesterday.
For myself and nearly all of you listening to this podcast, we set our clocks back 1 hour before we went to bed Saturday night, thus bringing an end to daylight savings time for this year. While I do enjoy getting an extra hour of sleep, it also brings about a strong memory for me.

As we are now in the month of giving thanks, I want to spend the next few Mondays sharing things for which I’m grateful. However, today’s story might not begin how you might expect. At the beginning of each episode of Stuff I Learned Yesterday I say that I believe if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living. Do you agree with that? Have you heard me say it so often that you don’t even notice it any more?

I truly believe that if we aren’t learning, we aren’t living. I believe that every single day of our lives is an opportunity to learn. However, more than simply having the opportunity to learn, I believe that we are surrounded by moments that will teach us something if we’ll allow ourselves to be aware. Sometimes those things are little things like how to make a new recipe, discovering a new website that will help us, or even learning how to save a few dollars at the grocery store.

However, sometimes those things are things like how to be a better parent, show love to your coworker, or gain the confidence to ask someone out. When we realize that we are surround by big and small opportunities every day, we realize that learning is everywhere.

I also believe that learning comes to us in a variety of ways. Sometimes we learn by lecture, video, or other formal presentation. Sometimes we learn by making mistakes and even falling on our face. While at other times we learn by observation. Today I want to talk about something I learned from observation, and by doing so, share something I’m incredibly grateful for.

Way back in episode 7 I shared the story of how my parents divorced when I was 9 and how I haven’t seen my mom since I was 12. One of the last times I remember seeing my mom was on a fall day. It must have been a Sunday because I remember that it was the morning after daylight savings time had ended and we had set the clocks back an hour at our house. However, my mom didn’t realize that it was a time change weekend and she had not set her clocks back. So when she showed up to our house that Sunday morning to pick us up, she was an hour early and we weren’t ready.

We scrambled around as quickly as we could and were soon on our way. I don’t remember much about that day. In fact I don’t even know if we did anything other than go eat breakfast. All I recall is that we went to the McDonalds nearby and I had the big breakfast that had pancakes, eggs, and sausage. I felt really cool that I could eat such a big breakfast.

That’s it. That’s all I remember. Mom showed up early, we scrambled to get ready, and I ate a big breakfast from McDonalds. Exciting stuff, right?

While there’s not much to this story, it’s one that I think of nearly every year. When I think of it, it reminds me of just how vague my memories are of my mom. It’s now been 27 years since I last saw her.

The last time I wrote about this I mentioned that my kids were the exact ages that my brother and I were when my parents divorced. Now, my daughter is the same age as I was the last time I saw my mom. Crazy.

I don’t know exactly why my parents divorced. I’m pretty sure there was infidelity going on by at least one of them. I’ve never asked my dad why they split up. It doesn’t matter to me. Knowing why won’t change the fact that it happened.

My dad remarried the year after my parents divorced and that marriage wasn’t great either. It was really hard for all of us to adjust to the new dynamic. It felt like we were being shoe horned into this new family and we were supposed to act like it was no big deal. It was a big deal. It was weird. It was unfamiliar. It was uncomfortable.

Things got better over time as we matured and got to know each other. But still, it was hard. It was especially hard for my brother, and he ended up getting kicked out of the house before he even graduated high school.

It was stressful on my dad and stepmom too. My brother, step-brother, and I would often stir up trouble or be the source of additional stress. On top of that, money was tight. So it was not uncommon for yelling and anger to be part of our household. There were times when I thought my dad might hit me or even throw something at me. However, that never happened. He always restrained himself.

This caused me to have a lot of respect for my dad.

His childhood was rough. His dad was an alcoholic and abused him and my uncle. There are stories that he has shared with me that are mind blowing. He didn’t have a good example to follow. He was shown abuse, pain, and a destructive lifestyle. Fortunately, my dad was an observer. He took in the things that his dad did and made a decision to be a better man than his father.

Was my dad perfect? Of course not. Not even close. But I don’t fault him. Knowing what I know now about his childhood, I think my dad did a really good job. He was always really weird about making sure that my brother and I ate first and had plenty to eat. When I learned about his childhood, it made sense. His dad took care of himself first and the kids didn’t always get to eat. My dad didn’t always know how to communicate or punish us, but he knew that physical abuse was not the answer. He observed wrong choices and then chose to remove those from his life.

I’m an observer too.

My mom and dad did not model a good marriage to me. When I was in college I was dating a girl and even talked to her dad about possibly getting married at some point. He shut me down and told me that because I came from a broken home, that I was destined to have a broken home. He said that divorce was hereditary.

I disagree.

Today I am grateful for my wife, Kari. She is amazing. I truly had no idea just how wonderful she was on that day when I said “I do.” I don’t always know what to say, and I’m not perfect, but she is my perfect match. She shows patience, kindness, and gratitude. She helps me when I’m weak, supports me when I’m unsure, and rejoices with me in my victories.

She is ferociously loving to our children. She loves them deeply, cares for them in ways that I never experienced, and is committed to their success.

I love her more now than I ever have before, and I’m grateful I get to be her husband.

So what have I learned?

I’ve learned that even in bad situations there is a lot we can learn.

I’ve learned that the mistakes of others can be our teachers too.

I’ve learned that the mistakes of my father are not destined to be mine.

I’ve learned that no one is a perfect parent or spouse, but humility and honesty go a long way.

I’ve learned that each day is an opportunity to live, love, and learn.

I’m Darrell Darnell and this has been stuff I learned yesterday.

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