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Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. I’m down almost 10 lbs. from when I started my weight loss journey. My last personal training session has come to an end so; I’m having to go it alone. Luckily, I have found friends to work out with, which I’m learning makes a huge difference, and I believe if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living. In today’s episode I’m going to talk about reactions and what I learned from an unexpected place about how to be more conscious of my decisions when reacting to frustrating events.
Today’s Fun Fact: In light of the fact that so many people included goals for weight loss and health in their New Year’s Resolutions in the Stuff I Learned Yesterday community forum on Facebook – I felt compelled to share that a pound of houseflies contains more protein than a pound of beef. So, if you are interested in beefing up, you may want to invest in some fly tape. (Of course, I’m only kidding, please don’t try eating flies!)
Here’s some exciting news for you! Starting today, nominations are open for the 2015 Podcast Awards. Golden Spiral Media is asking for your help to nominate our podcasts in 4 different categories. You can find all the details at www.goldenspiralmedia.com/podcastawards, but we’re asking you to nominate Stuff I Learned Yesterday in the People’s Choice and General categories, Arrow Squad in the Best Produced Category, and The Blacklist Exposed in the Entertainment category. Thank you in advance for your support.
Friday Forum
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What I Learned Yesterday:
Yesterday I was able to meet up with a friend and re-connect over lunch at McAlister’s Deli. Due to a tight schedule, we planned to meet up in the early afternoon, during my youngest little one’s usual nap time. I know many of you are beyond the nap time years, but for those that can relate – you know how important this precious time is. My days are practically scheduled around nap time and on the days we miss nap time, we know we have to prepare for a wild evening. Anyway, it was an unseasonably nice day, 77 degrees Fahrenheit (I’m sorry everyone suffering from blizzard conditions), so due to the great weather we decided to enjoy the patio area. After sitting still for about 10 minutes, Renna decided to explore. I was not too concerned because we were in an enclosed area, surrounded by tall landscaping bushes. She meandered near the table as my friend and I wrapped up lunch. Then back over to me, begging to be picked up. As I did, she pointed down to my purse, which she had proudly knocked over. As I bent down to pick it up, I noticed something else. Mud. Everywhere! This purse was a gift from a friend. It’s a Coach bag and it’s large enough to carry all of my workout gear, childcare gear and diaper necessities, so I do really enjoy using it. I have also not owned a designer bag before this one, so I try to take care of it.
I was pretty disappointed to see the streaks of mud all over the cloth bag. There were large swaths of mud in the piping, ground into the front and even on the backside. Apparently, Renna had been using the purse for a stepstool, while I was distracted. Oops. I was faced with a choice. How would I react? In situations like this one, it’s difficult. There was the fact that I was in public. I was also with a friend that I rarely see. Of course some level of discipline was necessary, and I wanted to communicate that I was disappointed and upset about what Renna had done, but I also did not want to over-react.
During this event, I was immediately reminded of a lesson I learned from the TV show Mad Men of all places. It’s been a while since I watched the show, but I’ll do my best to describe what was taking place. Donald Draper, the show’s central male lead was having breakfast with his mistress, and soon to be new wife, Megan. Don’s children were with him and they were all eating lunch together in a diner. Don’s son and daughter began to bicker just as food had been served and his daughter inadvertently knocked over a chocolate milkshake, which landed all over Megan’s lap, soiling her beautiful dress and covering the table in shake. The whole table grew eerily silent as Don began to glower at his daughter, prepared to rip her to pieces.
Instead, Megan smiled and quickly cleaned up the milkshake saying something akin to “accidents happen”, or “Don’t be upset, it’s just a milkshake.” She calmly cleaned the mess and left Don speechless and dumbfounded. In an earlier episode a similar incident had been juxtaposed with Don’s previous wife, Betty, angrily storming around the house, raging mad, when after a series of mishaps her son, ignoring directions to remove his toy robot from the table accidently knocked over his sister’s glass of juice. Betty raged against both children and against Don, whom she chastised for not disciplining the children firmly enough. He took his son’s toy and angrily hurled it against a wall shattering it into pieces, which seemed to briefly satisfy Betty. This contrast stood out to me, as I’ve played both roles at times, when it comes to my children and discipline. When frustration reaches fever pitch, and I have felt ignored, I’ve been angrier than I ought to have just to make sure they understood the impact of their actions on me. This left them feeling awful and incompetent and maybe a little scared to mess up again. The way Megan gently handled the situation, calmly reacting to a situation and de-escalating it without making one bad situation ruin an otherwise good time, spoke volumes to me. It must have at least, if I can still mostly recall it.
Factoring all of this in, as I pulled up my bag, I gently placed Renna on my lap and showed her the mud on the bag. I told her “Uh-oh, now we’ll need to clean this up” and quickly found the wipes in my diaper clutch. My friend’s eyes were the size of saucers as she saw the extent of the mud damage on my Coach bag. She knew I was disappointed and probably was a bit embarrassed to have been present for the incident.
What did I learn?
Everything was going to be fine. It was only a bag. I reminded myself of this. The mistake had been just that, a mistake. She hadn’t intentionally set out to ruin my belonging or to upset me. She was only trying to get my attention and was playing, the way that kids do. She knew better than to stand on my bag and she knew better than to walk around through wet mud, but we all make mistakes. I took a deep breath, remembered the milkshake, and said to myself, “There’s no use crying over spilt milk.” Neither Renna nor I would have benefitted from me losing my cool in public, and my friend may have been mortified, had I done so. Beyond that, my anger and frustration over a possession would only have confused Renna and made her feel sad and upset. I didn’t need that. As she and I grabbed wipe after wipe and scrubbed the purse top to bottom, working together to remove the stain. She looked at me and said, “Mommy, I’m so sorry!”. I knew she meant it and that she understood without the entire spectacle. I told her I forgave her and breathed a deep sigh of relief and moved on.
I’m Mandy Wichert, and this has been stuff I learned yesterday.
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