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Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Darrell Darnell, this weekend I beat the 4th quest of Classic Zelda, and I believe that if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living. In today’s episode of Stuff I Learned Yesterday I share lessons I’m learning about stages of life.
Today’s Fun Fact of the Day is: A cubic mile of fog is made up of less than a gallon of water.
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What I Learned Yesterday:
Sitting on the couch in my living room right now are two little girls, friends of my daughter, Addison. One of the girls is named McKenna. McKenna has short, shoulder length brown hair. She’s currently wearing a blue dress with sparkles, and matching blue shoes. She has a blue beaded necklace around her neck. She has a cute face and you can see her teeth when she smiles.
Sitting behind her is a girl named Kelly. Kelly also has brown hair, but it’s much longer and reaches most of the way down her back. She also has a cute face and great smile. Her outfit is all pink. These two girls have been friends of Addison for years. In fact, there have been days where all they did was play together. They’ve gone on walks together, slept in the same bed, and made up stories together.
I think Addison would tell you that McKenna is her favorite. Addison has spent hours and hours making hand crafted gifts for McKenna, and even traveled to Chicago with McKenna last year. Addison has even spent time looking through catalogs and websites, picking out clothes that she thought McKenna would enjoy.
Sitting next to McKenna and Kelly on the couch in a pink box. Tomorrow Addison will take McKenna and Kelly, put them in the box, and give them away to her cousin.
Did I mention that McKenna and Kelly are dolls?
It’s like a real life Toy Story. My baby girl is growing up, and dolls are no longer interesting to her. Last year at this time Addison and I were planning a trip to Chicago. When we arrived the first week of April, all she could think about was visiting the American Girl store. Ask anyone who we met while we were in Chicago, and they’ll tell you that Addison had nothing but American Girl on her mind.
Now, nearly 10 months later, she doesn’t even look at the American Girl magazine that comes in the mail. When I walk her home from the bus stop every day, the first thing she talks about is this boy Dylan that she likes. My baby girl is gone, and has been mysteriously replaced by a tween.
I guess I shouldn’t say she’s gone. I guess they call this stage a tween for a reason. She still plays with stuffed animals, but she’s changing. She’s changing emotionally, physically, and mentally. Her interests are changing, her behavior is changing, and her needs are changing. To be honest, it’s tough to handle it all sometimes. I mean the hormone changes alone are enough to drive a parent insane some days.
But most days are great. She doesn’t mind if I put my arm around her (just as long as there’s no chance of any of her friends being around). She still calls me daddy instead of dad much of the time, and she still loves it when I pick her up and swing her around or tuck her into bed.
On the other end of the spectrum is my Grandma. She called me last week to tell me that she had something she wanted to talk to me about, and she requested that I come over at my first opportunity so we could speak alone. That’s not usually a good sign, right?
I went over on Saturday to pay her a visit, and find out what was on her mind. My grandma is 88 years old and has lived alone since my grandpa died 5 years ago. She now lives in a one bedroom apartment in a senior living complex. She’s not able to drive and depends on friends and family to take her to get groceries, pick up prescriptions, take her to the doctor, or even to go get her hair done.
Since those of us that she leans on for transportation all have jobs and other responsibilities, it’s been a challenge to help her, especially when something pops up at the last minute. I know it’s hard on her to ask and seek help everytime she needs something, and she hasn’t been able to make a connection with anyone that lives in her community.
She feels like she’s a burden to others, and she’s lonely.
As we spoke she told me about some of the rude things that the maintenance man has said to her, and how the air vents are causing her to have issues sleeping. Even though we just moved her to this apartment less than a year ago, she’s already wanting to move out.
When she moved there, she was told that the free shuttle bus that our city offers had a route that went by her apartment. The shuttle would be able to take her to the main shopping areas around town. So she didn’t think she’d need any help getting around town. As it turned out, the bus goes down the main street one mile north and one mile south of her, but not the street she lives on.
We had also planned on moving her into an apartment that was brand new, but it was delayed, and she was given one that was several years old instead. The new apartment probably wouldn’t have the same issues with the air vents that the older one has.
After we talked for about 45 minutes, she told me that she wants to move to an assisted living center that would have easier access to meals, transportation, and interaction with others her age. A few years ago the thought of going to an assisted living center was out of the question for her, now it’s the thing she wants most.
Here’s what I’m learning.
Change is inevitable and unless you have an amazing Delorean or have two hearts and have a spaceship that looks like a police box, you can not stop the hands of time. Technically, I guess you can’t stop the hands of time even if you do have those things. Change is happening to every single one of us, one second at a time. One day we wake up and realize that we don’t want to play with dolls anymore, or we want to live in a place that we never found interesting before.
So what do we do about this thing called change?
I suppose we can fight it, rebel against it, ignore it, or deny it. I have yet to meet a person who looks back on the middle school years of puberty and change with fondness. I don’t know of many people who look at their later years with fondness either.
I can only imagine how difficult it is to be in a position where you can’t understand conversation because of hearing loss, can’t drive yourself to the places you want to go, and battle with loneliness.
The truth is we spend much of our lives wanting to be something we’re not. When we’re young we want to be old, and when we’re old we want to be young. Somewhere in the middle we might just find that sweet spot where we’re happy to be who we are, when we are, and where we are.
As a dad, I want to keep my baby girl forever. I want to keep her protected and innocent. I want her to always take my advice, and always call me daddy. I want to always be able to swing her around in circles.
As a grandson, I want to be able to meet all the needs of my grandma and keep her from suffering. I want to be able to snap my fingers and turn the clock back to a time when she was stronger and more independent. I want to be able to keep her from the slow, steady decline of old age.
All I know today is that neither of these scenarios are possible. However, both of these people have been placed in my life, and it’s up to me and others in their lives to care for them and help them as best we can. The truth is, change happens to all of us in many ways throughout the course of our lives. Fortunately, we don’t have to go through it alone.
I’m Darrell Darnell and this has been stuff I learned yesterday.
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