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Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Mandy Wichert. I have an incredibly affirming husband, whom I love dearly and I believe if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living. Today we’re talking about my family’s lack of a traditional Christmas tree this year and how this has made me take a look at traditions and how it’s helped me to realize it’s really not the stuff, but the memories made together that matter.
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What I Learned Yesterday:
This year has been interesting to say the least. It’s had its fair share of ups and downs, but mostly ups. I’m going to share something that’s pretty personal to me, and I ask that you hear it for it’s intent. This year we have struggled more than other years financially. This means we’ve made a lot of changes in our daily life routines and decisions. I never thought I was too materialistic or had a long list of unnecessary “needs”, but as we’ve had to make spending decisions more carefully, I’ve realized how untrue that really was. Even decisions as simple as buying specific brands of dish soap over a generic cheaper one were a little painful for me.
We are not able to eat out, as a rule and we have to be very selective about which activities we and our children can participate in, based on the costs associated with them. We are not strangers to living frugally, but this year has been even more restricted than most, when many of the decisions have felt painful and limiting. I love giving gifts and have felt even more disappointed with our situation as this season of giving approaches, and I’ve been unable to give to others in the ways that I was so accustomed to doing in the past.
When our family was preparing to move out of our old house, we quickly realized that we needed to do some simplifying. We quickly tossed broken items and items that we rarely used were donated to local charities. We realized that everything we were clinging to was really bogging us down and that it was going to be expensive to store and subsequently move all of those items across town. One item we got rid of was our Christmas tree. It was a nice little tree that we had owned for several years, but last year the lights began to flicker and fade and suddenly our pre-lit tree had gone dark. When we were moving we decided that our little tree had satisfied its need at our home and decided that we could simply buy a new tree this year when Christmas rolled around in our new home.
What we didn’t know then, is that our financial situation would be so drastically different with our family making a major change to a single-income family. We had mapped our expenditures and knew that some life changes would be required, but we weren’t prepared for the reality of it. So, a few weeks ago, we were very low on funds. We were making strategic decisions on expenditures based on which bills were due and I realized that we had no Christmas tree. Then, my friend called to let me know that Christmas trees were on sale at Target for the low low price of $39! I made a beeline for Target not wanting to miss this sale, knowing that we could not afford much.
My friends have all been eagerly planning for Christmas since the beginning of November and posting pictures of their beautiful and meticulous mantles and trees, decorated beautifully. I knew this tree would probably be small, but I did not want my family to go without a place to hang our homemade keepsake ornaments. Sitting in Target’s parking lot, I called my husband, and pleaded with him to allow me to spend money we didn’t have on a tree. I bargained with him and by the end of our 20-minute long conversation, I had worn him down to the point that he had almost conceded. Then he gently reminded me that we really did not have the money.
I immediately had visions of my family sitting around with no Christmas tree and with no presents to open and felt guilty that I could not provide more for my kids and my family. I also selfishly worried that Christmas would not look and feel the way I wanted it to for my kids. While we don’t have much this year, I want to shield them from feeling that way, but also appreciate the lessons that making more of less has given me. Most of the time, it’s made me realize that the things I spent money on in the past were frivolous and unnecessary, but it’s moments like not being able to afford a Christmas tree that really got me down.
When I realized that we truly could not afford the tree, I began to drive home and as I did, I became angry and resentful. Just last year, didn’t actually buy another family a tree and gifts to put under it? How could we be in the predicament now that we could not even afford to keep up this tradition now? I railed against this thought, but by the time I got home I was so upset by it, that I turned back around and drove the twenty minutes back to Target – resolute to buy a tree again.
Don’t’ get me wrong. I know the true meaning of Christmas and am thrilled to get to share the message of Christ with my children, but the reality of feeling like I was stealing this tradition of rushing to the tree on Christmas morning and feeling excited, made me a little sad. If nothing else, it was beginning to make me feel like I was dropping the ball. When we donated our old tree I never imagined us not being able to replace it, and now it’s hard watching everyone post pictures of their lovely trees and Christmas décor.
After sitting in my car for half an hour willing myself to go in and throw caution to the wind and buy the tree, I realized something. My kids don’t have the same expectations for Christmas as I do. Their memories are being made now, by us, each year we celebrate. Not having a tree is not going to kill Christmas for them, it will just change their experience a little this year. Feeling guilty and overwhelmed by my selfishness and pride, I turned my car around and drove home, again. Realizing how much I was taking away from the true meaning of Christmas with my desire for a decoration really put things into perspective for me.
We thought of many possible solutions for our treeless year and eventually decided with high-fives over a cup of tea that we could do a post-it note Christmas tree. We can’t do a live tree due to the allergens it brings in with it, but to the best of my knowledge we are not allergic to post-it-notes. If the tree doesn’t make it up at all, I’m not going to fret. I have my family, and I am blessed to know the meaning of Christmas is Christ and my family and I have been given so much, we don’t really “need” the tree.
What did I learn?
I learned that traditions and memories are what we make of them. The anticipation and excitement that I have for the season and what it truly represents will hopefully translate the true meaning of Christmas to my children. We discussed “wants versus needs” with our children and this tree represents a definite want. It revealed to me how deeply rooted I have been in what Christmas “should” look like, and to be honest, I’m really looking forward to breaking tradition this year and seeing what Christmas will look like with our post-it-note tree or even with no tree at all. It’s going to be a challenge to change my own view of what Christmas should or should not look like, but I’m finding some freedom in the unknown and for now, embracing making a new memory in new territory with my family.
I’m Mandy Wichert, and this has been stuff I learned yesterday.
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