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Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Darrell Darnell, my son sometimes beats me at chess, and I believe that if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living. In today’s episode of Stuff I Learned Yesterday I get to talk about my progenies.
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What I Learned Yesterday:
Continuing in my series of episodes about what I’m thankful for, today I want to tell you about my kids. I know I talk about them a lot. Why shouldn’t I? They’re a major part of my life. They’re a major part of me.
It’s hard being a parent. For me, it’s the hardest thing I do. Where is the right balance between establishing boundaries and allowing them to learn for themselves? What things should they be exposed to so that they are aware of the world around them, and which things should I shelter them from. Sometimes those questions are very easy to answer, and sometimes they are quite challenging.
I have a good relationship with both of my kids. My daughter will turn 12 in 2 weeks. It’s hard to believe she’s almost a teenager. Of course, in her mind, she’s already a teenager and should be treated like an adult. She’s no longer interested in playing with dolls and now she talks a lot more about boys than I wish she did.
The school bus drops her off a block from our house. I can hear it when it approaches, so every day I stop what I’m doing and I go outside to meet her. I walk down the street and usually meet her just shy of the halfway point. I take her violin case, put my arm around her, and ask her about her day.
The conversation that follows is not the most in-depth conversation. She usually tells me about a conversation she had with the boy she likes or something goofy she and her girl friends did that was funny. I’m just glad she tells me about her day. I hope that she always feels comfortable talking with me.
At times my conversations with her can be the most frustrating thing I’ve ever experienced. She is stubborn and strong willed. Sometimes she will outright refuse to acknowledge a mistake or bad choice, even to the point where it is clear she’s made an error. To her it is better to look foolish that admit a mistake. We’ve had a lot of conversations about this. Some days I think I’m getting through, others I think I’ve totally failed.
She can also melt my heart in a moment. I normally go to church alone. I get there early for band practice, and the rest of my family arrives shortly before church starts. However, last Sunday my son was sick and Kari would be staying home with him. So we decided the night before that Addison would get ready early and go with me to church.
When I got out of bed I wasn’t sure if she’d be awake yet. I peeked into her room but she wasn’t there. I then went to her brother’s room. They were both awake, playing games on the iPad. When she saw me she immediately dropped the device from her hands, leaped from the bed, and jumped into my arms. She put her arms around my neck, exclaimed, “daddy!”, and put her cheek up to mine.
Yep, my heart melted. Those moments don’t come nearly as often as they once did. One day she won’t do it at all any more.
My son just turned 10 a month ago. He is a very typical 10 year old boy. He loves hanging out with his best buds, he loves video games, he loves Star Wars, and he loves Legos.
He’s also interested in a girl in his class, but he’s still way more interested in hanging out with the guys. I’m happy about that.
He’s smarter and braver than I ever was. He’s already skipped a grade and he still tests off the charts. His tests at the start of the year put him above the scores he would need to achieve by the end of the year. Fortunately, his teachers are really good about keeping extra work and more challenging work nearby.
He’s not afraid to be his own person. He likes wearing shoes that don’t match, and doesn’t care if others make fun of him. By the way, they know he doesn’t care, so they don’t make fun of him. See how that works?
He just joined the chess club at school. Chess club? Isn’t chess club for nerds? He doesn’t care. He likes to play chess and if other kids think that chess club is for nerds, that’s their problem. He likes chess and that’s all that matters.
He is fun and goofy and weird. And he’s proud of it. He is who he is and he has chosen friends that like him that way. He’s not interested in being friends with the popular kids just so he can be popular. Like I said, he’s smarter and braver than I ever was.
Addison is smart too. She’s one of those people who works great under pressure and performs well at the last minute. This drives her mom and I crazy. We want things to be done ahead of time and planned ahead. But we also want her to suffer and learn from the consequences if she fails to meet a deadline or doesn’t get a project completed.
However, time and time again she’ll come through in the 11th hour and come home with an A on a project. The amazing thing is that I’m sure she isn’t performing up to her full potential. She’s perfectly happy with doing the minimum required to get the grade she wants. Without much effort she’ll bring home a report card of A’s with maybe one B. Colby is not that way. He wants a report card full of A+’s. His last report card was one point away from getting all A+’s and he was not happy.
Here’s what I’ve learned.
Being a dad is awesome. I’m going to make mistakes, sometimes some pretty boneheaded ones. But I’m so thankful I get the opportunity to guide these two humans who call me dad.
They are more challenging and rewarding than I ever imagined and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. They are me. They have my sense of humor, my expressions, my creativity, and my nerdiness. They are my wife. They have her sense of humor, her smile, her love of books, and her personality.
God has given me two amazing gifts. I have a great responsibility to guide them, provide for them, nurture them, teach them, and release them.
If I do my job right, the world will be a better place because they are in it.
I’m Darrell Darnell and this has been stuff I learned yesterday.
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