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Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Mandy Wichert. I just returned from a trip to the Storybook Forest with two Elsa’s and a Harry Potter, and I believe if you aren’t learning you aren’t living. Today we’re looking at the
difficulties of communicating in a wired world, and digital communication etiquette.
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Before I begin, I wanted to give an update on my friend, Bob. I spoke about him in a recent podcast about purpose. This week he lost his battle with brain cancer. I wanted to thank him and his family for making such an impact in my life and in
the lives of many others. I’m praying for healing and peace for them as they deal with the loss of this wonderful man.
Here’s what I learned yesterday:
Continuing the theme of updates on recent stories, today we’re discussing communication etiquette in the digital age. Last week in the “It Takes a Village” episode, I mentioned a friend of mine that received communication regarding the care of her children via text message while on a business trip. The breakdown in communication was not entirely due to content, but occurred mainly due to the medium of communication selected to deliver the message, text message.
The word etiquette itself as it pertains to communication seems somehow archaic and formal, but there are unwritten rules. This got me thinking about etiquette as it pertains to selecting a communication medium in our digital age. At times, this can be a tenuous task, as the rules are constantly changing, alongside changes in technology. Technology has placed each of us in almost instant access for communication. Even if we are in a place we can’t receive a phone call, we may still be able to receive email or text message. This accessibility has changed our expectation of expediency with regard to responding to one-another and with regard to receiving and transmitting information.
We expect our information quickly and directly. The purpose of technology with regard to communication recently has been to make our communication quicker and more productive. This I find myself frustrated when a person wants to communicate an entire conversation via text message, when a phone call would be more appropriate. I have some friends that are such rapid texters that I often have to set my phone down and walk away just to give myself time to catch up with the conversation. At the same time, text messages can be a great way to deliver short, concise information or make plans with a group. Text messages are slowly becoming my default mode of obtaining information quickly.
When communicating in written form via emails, text messages, instant messages or similar mediums, I think it is important to stick to the facts and stay concise. Communicating clearly and succinctly will help to eliminate areas where recipients of your messages may be confused about your intent. I have received and even delivered my own email-length text messages, so I am definitely not always innocent here. So length and complexity is an important factor when deciding to send a text.Also, when delivering a text, considering your recipient’s environment, if it is known to you, is an important consideration. When my husband is at work and I have an urgent need, I may state so, or conversely, let him know that he can get back to me at his convenience if my need is not immediate. This helps him realize my needs and further decreases ambiguity with my message.
E-mails are not always received in a timely manner, which is why I think people default to a long text message over an e-mail at times. My e-mail inbox is often so cluttered with distracting digital noise that finding the real communication
requests can be like going on a treasure hunt. When I was in an office setting full-time and communicating that way more regularly, this was an easy mode of communication for me. However, now that I stay home, finding time to respond to an email can feel labor-some and actually requires me to dedicate time to sit down, which is rare! I attempt to check it regularly, but if you were to see the number of emails in my inbox currently you’d be appalled. I’m embarrassed to say that I think it’s somewhere near 20,000 if that helps you to grasp my problem with keeping up! Most of it is junk that needs to be thrown out, but tackling a mountain of digital clutter that size will probably take me several weeks, so I just do the best I can now to keep up!
I also read recently that voicemails are out of vogue. An expert in etiquette recently noted that leaving someone a voicemail is “rude”, because you are placing a time burden on them to have to go back and listen to a message instead of sending a quick text asking them to call you back. I still leave voicemails on occasion, but again, admittedly, I often return a call when I see it on my caller ID without first checking the voicemail box to get all the details from the voicemail, opting for efficiency. One of the most difficult situations to address in a digital age is conflict. When actual back and forth communication is necessary to address a concern or come to a resolution, there is really nothing that can beat a face-to-face discussion. Unfortunately, that’s not always an option, so we may have to opt for the next best option. This week a friend of mine posted a few tips about communication on her Facebook page, which she titled, “6 Things I’ve Learned About Conflict”
1: Conflict isn’t a problem. However, acting like you are not mad IS.
2: Not listening and/or not responding are equally disrespectful.
3:Trying to resolve conflict through text message only creates more drama.
4:Insincerity and pretense in order to avoid conflict is divisive in a relationship.
5. Saying “I’m sorry” and taking responsibility for your actions are not the same
thing.
6. Avoiding conflict at all costs does not make you a better “Christian” (person). It
makes you an unhealthy one.
I enjoyed reading the lessons she learned regarding conflict and communication. I also wonder how much of the ambiguity she faced in resolving this conflict could have been resolved with simply being able to sit down with the person she was in conflict with and resolving things in person. Etiquette also pertains to the expectation placed on us for a response to a given message. With immediate access to people and a growing global reach, I’ve noticed that people often place importance on responding to digital communication over those sitting in front of them. As people become easier to reach, even during non-business hours, the demand for them to maintain a constant open stream of communication has also increased. Some of you may relate to being asked, or asking others to to wait so that you or your spouse, or friend can respond to an email or text message. This can not be avoided entirely, as time waits for no man, and answers are expected soon after they are asked, but perhaps we can set healthy boundaries for ourselves, so that we are not forced to miss out on the world in front of our own faces.
Here’s What I Learned:
Communication in this digital age is tricky. As we become more able to permeate the lives of others through digital mediums for communication, a higher burden must be placed on the sender of the message to account for the receiver’s environment, time and expectation for return communication. Considering your message’s complexity and the demand on the recipient involved should help guide you in selecting the correct medium whether text message, phone call, voicemail, instant message, or otherwise. As the adage goes; “It’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it.” Of course the saying used to refer to your tone of voice and expression while engaging in face-to-face interaction, but I think it is equally true when choosing how you deliver your message.
If you are delivering something short and sweet and to the point, a text message may be the way to go, however if you have something more detailed to discuss, or are requesting detailed information in response to your question email or a phone call might be better suited to the task. Also, try to be sensitive to the time expenditure you are requesting from the person you are communicating with. Ask yourself what environment the person you are contacting is in to help you gain context. Are they working? Are they enjoying family time? Is the information you are seeking work-related or social in nature? Be realistic when waiting for a response and release the person you are communicating with to respond later if they need to or if the situation is urgent, also let them know that.
Conflict and complex information is still best shared face-to-face, but when that option is not available, find the most suitable alternative, or use a combination of mediums. And lastly, please be courteous and respectful of the people that are standing or sitting right in front of you. Your friends and family are investing their time and energy into you, so if you are able to –be present. Etiquette is not ancient or colloquial – it’s current and constantly changing. How can you be a better communicator in this digital age? What are you doing right? Okay, I’ve got to run. I hear my email inbox overflowing!
I’m Mandy Wichert, and this has been, “Stuff I Learned Yesterday.”
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