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Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Darrell Darnell, this weekend I launched a new website called ProPodcastSolutions.com, and I believe that if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living. In today’s episode of Stuff I Learned Yesterday I tell you why I’m scared of spiders.

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What I Learned Yesterday:
From the time I was about 4 until the middle of first grade, we lived in a small 1,000 square foot house on NW 30th street in Oklahoma City. My brother and I shared a room and had bunk beds. We didn’t have a lot of money, but I never felt like we were poor.

I remember a lot of things about that house. I remember when dad brought home the Atari 2600 and playing Asteroids. I remember the smell of yeast when mom would make her homemade bread. I remember learning to ride a bike out in the front yard. I remember spiders.

But that’s not all I remember. It was at that house on NW 30th Street that we got our first pet, a dog we named Nipper. I don’t remember what kind of dog he was, but I do recall how he got his name.

I remember being excited, as any kid is, the day we got a puppy. My brother and I would play with the new dog for hours in the back yard. We had a pretty good size back yard with plenty of open space to run around and ride our bikes. The only obstacle was the clothesline in the middle of the yard. Remember when houses had clotheslines in the back yard?

Was that some sort of new selling feature at some point in our history? Was that the granite counter tops and stainless steel appliances feature of the 1950’s? Hmmmm…

Anyway, we would ride our bikes and run around the back yard and he would chase after us, nipping at our socks. Because he liked to nip at our socks, we called him Nipper.

By the way, I’m talking about those big tube socks that were pulled up nearly to our knees. Hey, it was the 80’s and we were cool. Maybe.

Like most kids who get a new puppy, it was our responsibility to take care of him. We had to make sure that he had fresh water and food for each day. I don’t recall what schedule we worked out, but I know that my brother and I took turns.

One night it was my turn to feed Nipper. I remember being really creeped out that I had to go out to the backyard after dark so I’m guessing that I was supposed to do it earlier before it got dark but I had forgotten to do it. I got up my nerve and approached the back door. With the bag of dog food in my hands I peered out through the screen to make sure the boogy man wasn’t lurking in the shadows. Satisfied that the yard was clear, I opened the door and descended the steps into the back yard.

I carefully made my way to his food bowl and filled it up with the dog food pellets. However, my job wasn’t done. Nipper needed water. I grabbed his water bowl and made my way to the side of the house where the water spigot was located.

The side of the house was about 3 feet from the chain link fence that separated us from our neighbor. There were a few small bushes that grew among the fence and as I approached the side of the house, I noticed something that made me stop in my tracks.

Hanging between the house and the shrubs were 2 or 3 spiders. They had made their webs for the night right in the path between me and the water spigot. They were massive. I now know them has the harmless and helpful garden spider, but to a 5 year old they looked like 8-legged demons of silent death.

With their big yellow and black bodies and their long sleek legs, they seemed to be just waiting for me to get near enough for them to pounce on me and turn my insides into goo. I thought carefully about my next move.

I looked at the spiders and noticed that their webs did not reach all the way to the ground. In fact, I was quite sure that I could crawl below them on my hands and knees and still have plenty of room between the arachnids and my back. I mustered up my courage, and made my move.
As carefully and quickly as I could I crawled under the webs and arrived at the water spigot. I quickly sprung to my feet and checked to make sure all the spiders were still perched on their webs. Whew, it was a success!

I filled the water bowl up, and prepared to make the journey back through the gauntlet of spiders. I pushed the bowl carefully in front of me so that my liquid spoils would not be spilled and my trip would need repeating. I kept my back down and tried my best to keep from disturbing the webs.

I finally cleared the gauntlet and rose to my feet. By this time I was fully freaked out. My imagination was in high gear and I could feel the 8 legged creatures crawling on my back. I looked back toward the fence to see if they were all still in their webs while slowly walking backward to put as much distance between them and me as possible.

Finally, satisfied that they were all still on their webs and not on my back, I turned toward the middle of the yard to finish my chore. However, I had failed to notice the spider hanging from the clothes line in the middle of the yard! As I turned around I came face to bug eyed face with a massive arachnid! He was still silently in his web, now just inches from my face.

I dropped the bowl of water and screamed like a 5 year old child that had just been attacked by spiders in the middle of the night.

In a speed I thought only possible by Barry Allen, my mom rushed out the back door and was instantly at my side. She picked me up into her arms and rescued me from suffering the fate of Frodo before Samwise Gamgee showed up.

Here’s what I learned:

Spiders are terrifying. They are even more terrifying at night. I also learned that moms are superheroes. They have an amazing way of being there at just the right time to keep us from harm, whisper the words we need to hear, and bring us back to a world of safety.

I don’t have a lot of memories of my mom. But this one is one of my favorites. Thanks for rescuing me from the spiders, mom.

I’m Darrell Darnell and this has been stuff I learned yesterday.

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