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Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Darrell Darnell, Bernard the bumblebee is visiting my flowers again, and I believe that if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living. In today’s episode of Stuff I Learned Yesterday I share lessons learned from a recently lost friend.
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What I Learned Yesterday:
Last week I received a text message that is of the kind that you never want to get. It was letting me know that a friend of mine had succomed to cancer. She was 68. Let me tell you about her.
Her name was Bochy Gray and she was one of the kindest people I ever met. She loved to serve others, she loved her family, she was amazingly loyal, and she had a great smile.
You may recall in episode 42 of Stuff I Learned Yesterday I told you about a vocal quartet I was in when I was in my early 20’s and I was the only member under 50. Bochy was also in that group. I first met Bochy when I started attending church with one of my friends. Bochy and her husband, Bob, were very talented singers and musicians. When they asked me to start singing with them it was an easy decision.
Over the next 2 years or so I spent a lot of time with them. We traveled to various states to sing and we always drove to each destination. That meant that we spent a lot of time in their van. She treated me like I was one of her children. I was a single guy at the time, although Kari and I were dating.
Bochy was a great baker. She had a cake business and made amazing cakes for weddings and other special events. When Kari and I got married, Bochy made our wedding cake and groom cake. She was also a great hair stylist. Many times she’d whisk me off into the tiled area of her dining room, plop me down into a chair, and make sure my hair was kept looking its best.
Bochy was always giving. I honestly don’t recall a time when she wasn’t giving of herself in some way to help someone else. That was one of the main reasons she sang. Her voice was powerful and people loved it. She sang because it brought joy to others, and glory to God.
When I made the decision to propose to Kari, Bochy was one of the first people I told. She was so excited for us. I wanted to make sure that the ring I picked out was the perfect one so Bochy drove me all around the city to find the ring that my wife now wears. We looked at hundreds of rings and more than half a dozen jewelry stores. When we found the right ring, Bochy and I both knew it immediately.
Kari and I got married in May of 1999 and moved to Texas 2 months later. We spent 3 total years in Texas before we moved back to Oklahoma City, but by the time we moved back, Bob and Bochy had moved away. They had also moved to Texas, though it was several hours from where we lived.
The last time I saw her was when Kari and I made a trip to the Dallas area for a long weekend getaway. They owned a burger restaurant in town and they treated us to dinner there. We went back to their home and we enjoyed some great conversation for a little while before the time came for Kari and I to head home.
I never dreamed that it would be the last time I saw her.
Here’s what I learned.
I’m currently 38 years old. For 2, maybe 3 of those years, I was fortunate enough to spend a lot of time with Bochy. My life has a path, Bochy’s life had a path, and your life has a path. Sometimes those paths will cross briefly, and sometimes those paths will travel together for a time. I wish my path had crossed with Bochy’s more often.
But that’s the way life is. The people in our lives today are only there for time and a season. The time will pass, the season will change, and our time together will be no more. We’ll get a new job, move to a different city, change our routine, or even pass away.
Even though our paths only crossed for a short time, Bochy still had an important influence on me. Her love for others and her generous spirit were contagious. By watching Bochy, I learned about love. She knew what it was like to have nothing, and she knew what it was like to have more than enough.
She didn’t do things for other people so that she could receive praise or accolades. She didn’t do things for others because it made her feel better about herself. She did things for others because it made their lives better in some way. In that way, she exemplified love.
I know that when people die, the polite thing to do is to say all sorts of nice things about them and forget, at least for a time, the negative stuff about them. Bochy was not perfect, as none of us are, but I honestly have no negative memories of her at all.
I could tell you more stories about songs we sang, meals we shared, or the things that made us laugh, but not today. Today I want you to know that this world has lost someone that was making it a better place. Now it’s our job to get out there and pick up where Bochy left off.
Thank you for the memories, Bochy. I’ll see you again one day.
I’m Darrell Darnell and this has been stuff I learned yesterday.
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