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Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Darrell Darnell, my favorite type of pie is lemon meringue, and I believe that if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living. In today’s episode of Stuff I Learned Yesterday I share a story about taking walks with my son.
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What I Learned Yesterday:
Fatherhood is awesome. Sure, there are moments where it can be difficult and frustrating and scary, but those times are far eclipsed by the moments of joy, fun, enthusiasm, and bonding. One of my favorite things to do is spend time with my kids one-on-one. During these one-on-one times they get my full attention, and I get theirs.
Sometimes I’ll take a Saturday morning and take one of my kids to breakfast or lunch. My son, Colby, likes to go to a local restaurant called Colby’s grill. Not only does it share his name, it has great food. My daughter likes to go to a local spot called Around the Corner Restaurant. It’s exactly what you think of when you imagine a small town diner. It’s homey and delicious.
Recently, Colby and I have been taking walks together in the evenings. It’s the perfect time of day for a walk as we’ve just finished eating dinner, Bernard is out in the flowerbeds gathering pollen, and the air is cooling more each moment as the sun is dipping lower into the horizon.
We step out the front door, spend a few minutes watching Bernard, and then one of us will choose which way we’re going to go. Our neighborhood has a walking trail a couple of blocks away, so we usually meander around one of three routes we can take to get to the trail.
Along the way we talk about life. As you can imagine, life is pretty hectic for a 9 year old on summer break. He tells me about his latest adventures on Minecraft or a new skin that he has made for his character. Sometimes he tells me about his progress on a game called Portal. Sometimes he asks me how my day has gone.
I try to be honest with him. All that stuff I told you yesterday is stuff that he already knows. Well, except for how much it has stressed me out. I don’t want to make him worry about that stuff.
But he knows about my preparation for Podcast Movement and how hard I’ve been working on it. He wishes that I would let him come to Podcast Movement and is thinking about doing his own podcast soon. He also knows about the new product that I’ve been working on and tries to encourage me about it.
Sometimes we just walk for a while and don’t talk. We look at the various plants that people have in their yards or just enjoy the quiet of the evening. It’s great.
I love my dad. He taught me a lot when I was growing up, especially when it related to working hard and working until the job was done. I know that I don’t remember every moment of my childhood, but I don’t ever remember having a real conversation with my dad. Maybe he tried and I clammed up, maybe he did and I don’t really remember.
I do remember him asking me how my day at school was, and I don’t really ever remember saying much about school. I don’t think there was much to say.
However, even to this day, I don’t really talk to my dad much. Our conversations don’t really have any substance. On occasion we’ll discuss a current event but those conversations only last for a few minutes. I think it’s because even though I love my dad tremendously, I don’t know that we’ve ever really bonded the way either of us would have liked.
When I was a kid he took me hunting and fishing, but I didn’t enjoy those things. He enjoyed those things when he was a kid, so I think he thought I would like them too. Maybe that was the only thing he knew to do. After all, his dad, from what I understand, wasn’t really the type of dad that anyone should model, and I think my dad really didn’t have an example to follow.
Here’s what I’ve learned.
We all come from different backgrounds. My dad had a dad that was an alcoholic and an abuser. My dad saw those things and had two choices: follow his dad’s footsteps and give me and my brother the same childhood he had, or choose a different path. My dad chose a different path. I have never known my dad to be drunk and he has never abused me. I know there were times that it was hard for him not to do those things, but he resisted. I respect him for that.
Now I’m a father and I want to be an even better father than my dad was. I want my son to be a better father than I am. How do I do that? Well, for starters, I take walks with him and I share my life with him. I listen to his stories, and I show interest in the things he’s interested in.
We only get one shot at raising our kids. I’m certainly no perfect father. Not even by a long shot. However, I think I’m doing a lot of things right. And hopefully when my son has a son of his own, he’ll remember these walks and within those memories he’ll find inspiration to be a better man than his father.
I’m Darrell Darnell and this has been stuff I learned yesterday.
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