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Stuff I learned yesterday, episode number 103 – What’s coming around the bend?
Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Derek Olsen, I’m so passionate about breakfast that I have been known to draw a diagram of what I want my breakfast to look like the day before, I call it my Epic Breakfast Breakdown, and I believe if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living. In today’s episode of Stuff I Learned Yesterday I share my thoughts about living a life in transition…
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Now, let’s get to today’s show.
Five years ago I was single and working a regular job.
Four years ago I got married and quit my job.
Three years ago I realized I had no idea what I was doing. (In both my marriage and in the business I had started.)
Two years ago I scrapped my entire business and started over.
One year ago my wife and I found out we were expecting our first child.
Today I am a father and our newly restructured business is experiencing the most success we have seen thus far.
Compare my life today to my life just a year ago and they would look nothing alike.
Compare my life today to my life five years ago and you wouldn’t believe it’s the same life.
I never would have guessed that my life would look the way it does now.
The other day my wife and I were talking about the future of our lives together. Every couple of months we have a vision casting conversation. We talk about how our marriage is going and what we want out of life. We are always trying to intentionally shape what our future will look like. I look forward to these conversations, they are always inspiring.
Looking back on how things have gone, the idea of intentionally shaping our life has become a little more complex. These conversations about creating the life we want sometimes sound more like guessing than planning.
If I recorded one of our conversations then told you it was a planning session, you would believe me. It would be clear that you are listening to two people planning their future together.
But if I instead told you we were trying to guess what our future would look like, you would have to believe that to. The same conversation would sound exactly like two people guessing at what their lives might look like. The same conversation would sounds like two very different things if I simply gave you different context.
For example, if the conversation went something like; “We are going to live in the Valentine neighborhood, work from home, have two kids, and cook dinner together every night” that sounds like we are planning what our lives are going to look like.
But if we were to guess at what our lives might look like in the future I could say the same thing, “We are going to live in the Valentine neighborhood, work from home, have two kids, and cook dinner together every night”
One is a guess, the other is a plan and yet they are identical.
Another way to describe the difference would be vision-casting vs. vision-guessing. And again, all along it’s the exact same conversation about our future we are analyzing here.
At the ripe old age of 35 I think I know enough about life to know that I’m not fully in control. I am supposedly in control of my thoughts, actions, re-actions, and decisions. But the big question then becomes, why, when I look at my own life, could I not have accurately predicted any of it? No matter how my life turns out, there is no way I could have that kind of control over the events of my life, even the parts that I tend to believe that I am in control over. Have you ever done something, good or bad, and then asked yourself, “Where did that come from?” Well, I’m just going to let that question simmer and maybe we will come back to it some other time.
So here’s what I really want to say…
Maybe I should mention here that this is more of a thought piece than a lesson learned or any kind of prescriptive advice.
Life is amazing, unpredictable, and for the most part, life is out of our control. For better and for worse, life can’t be totally controlled. If I was totally in control of my life, how could I be so surprised by how my own life looks? And futher, if I had totally control over my life, wouldn’t that be the same as being able to predict the future. That might seem desireable at first, but imagine how boring and predictable life would get if you had so much control that you knew exactly what was going to happen every second of everyday for the rest of your life. How would that give you anything exciting to look forward to? Much of the reason life is worth living is due to it’s unpredictable and unforeseeable nature.
But what I really, really wanted to say is this. I cannot wait to experience the rest of my life. I cannot wait to watch it all unfold at my feet. I’ve got another good 60 years if I’m lucky. 60 years feels like another eternity. I simply can’t wait to be surprised by the unpredictable and unforeseeable future of my own life.
So, heres to this crazy, un-predictable, uncontrollable ride called life. One thing is certain, you will be surprised by your own life.
Don’t be so tied to your plan that the surprises are disappointing. If you were fully in control – weren’t susceptible to unforeseen circumstances – that would be boring.
I’m Derek Olsen and this has been stuff I learned yesterday.
I’d like to give you a free book. It’s call 4 ½ Conversation Starters. This little e-book is perfect if you and your partner would like to get on the same page in the finance department of your marriage.
Visit derekandcarrie.com to get your free copy of 4 ½ Conversation Starters right now. And if you just can’t get enough, check out my other podcast called Better Conversations on Money and Marriage.
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