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Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Mandy Wichert. I really enjoy giving gifts and I believe if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living. Today on Stuff I Learned Yesterday – Hold onto your hats! You’re going to join me on a fun-filled-trip to the grocery store!
Friday Forum
I want you to be a part of the Friday Forum! Friday Forum is your opportunity to Share what YOU’VE learned, so that other listeners and I can learn from YOU. It can be a message as short as 30 seconds or several minutes long. It really doesn’t matter just as long as it’s something that will benefit others. You can participate in Friday Forum by visiting our Feedback Page or calling our voice feedback line at 304-837-2278.
CAP Someone Today!:
You know that mom you saw at the grocery store the other day, deftly maneuvering the aisles with precision at a record pace, with an air of peace and tranquility. The one with three kids in tow, all riding or walking quietly, engaging courteously with fellow shoppers, with their hands relaxed comfortably at their sides and smiles glued into place? Yeah…that probably wasn’t me.
A few weekends ago, I found myself in an uncomfortable predicament. We had just moved into our new home, our freshly defrosted fridge looked like an empty cavern and, wouldn’t you know, Clint was out of town. The natives were growing restless and everyone was echoing the same thing – “We’re hungry! What are we going to eat for dinner?” It was getting late, and I knew that I needed to feed my family. We’d had a really great, but busy day, and time had just escaped me.
I thought about getting take-out, but I knew that we’d be facing the same dilemma in the morning if I didn’t remedy the situation. So, putting on a brave face, I announced that we were going to the grocery store. Now, I knew this was a bad idea from the moment the words escaped my lips. Fortunately, or so I thought – I’d been told that our new local store had a deli area within it, where you could actually sit down to eat. My plan initially, was to grab some dinner at the deli for the kids, sit down to eat and then gracefully maneuver the aisles as depicted in my story above. I didn’t know this yet, but that was only wishful thinking.
When we entered the store, I immediately noticed how pristine and new everything looked. The aisles were all meticulously groomed and that deli I’d mentioned before – was ENORMOUS! There were fancy cheeses, desserts, hot meals, cold meals, olive bars, salad bars….the list goes on and on. My plan slowly dissolved before me, as I realized that just the deli alone was enough to send my restless and hungry crew into a tailspin. I immediately felt defeated, but decided to soldier on, because at this point – I really had no choice.
The kids were easily distracted, and felt it necessary to touch every piece of beautiful produce as we walked by it. They were grabbing everything at their eye-level – hoping to toss it into our cart. Just navigating a store with three kids is a challenge in itself. My four and seven year olds were initially sitting in the large part of the cart, because I’ve learned that my shopping time goes up directly proportional to my number of walkers. This lasted only a few minutes after entering the store, as my cart began to fill with groceries, I realized that I was going to have not one, but two walkers.
My almost-two-year-old was positioned in the front seat facing me, but she has reached the stage of pseudo-independence. She knows what she wants and is not afraid to let me know, but she doesn’t really understand the consequences of her actions. I was patient as she began throwing the first of her tantrums that night, about being buckled into her seat. I quickly gave up on the idea of dinner at the store and proceeded to Plan B – Get what you need and Get out fast! We picked up fresh fruits and vegetables. I fought my youngest to keep the unwashed grapes out of her mouth as my little walkers began running circles around me.
The tantrums continued as we made our way to the bread aisle. Renna insisted that she not be buckled – very loudly – and with many, many tears. She has been gifted with great lung capacity and volume. I patiently reasoned with her, as I made my way down the aisle, grabbing only the essentials. I felt the searing burn of eyes all around me. Judging me….making me feel like an awful mom. I was sure that was what they were thinking. The other shoppers exchanged knowing glances with one-another and I hung my head in shame, attempting to avoid eye-contact.
I shushed my littlest, but held my ground, refusing to give in to her tantrum. I scolded her and even threatened with consequences if she did not calm down. No, I was not going to allow her to stand in the back of the cart. I’ve watched her attempt a face-plant once before from standing in the back, when instructed to sit down, and wasn’t about to make that mistake again. Reasoning with a two-year-old is futile, but I was still hanging in there, with some semblance of parental control. Then, she reached for the cherry tomatoes. She wailed loudly and flung the tomatoes in all directions across the aisle, where they landed at the feet of my audience.
I was mortified. I scolded her and gave her the aforementioned consequences, which were not received without tears. Meanwhile, without attention focused on them, my two walkers had become “wanderers” and were now entertaining themselves with a game of tag in the floral department. I corralled them up quietly and went to the task of reinforcing our rules for behavior in public places. My tone was probably not nice by this point, but I was trying my best to stay composed in the face of chaos, because my audience was still standing by. I’m sure we were providing ample entertainment.
Just as I was resituating my two year old back in the cart with her seat belt strap, after some face to face talking and tomato rustling…..one of the women who had been observing approached me. She was an older woman, who looked like she may have been a grandmother to some well-behaved children somewhere. I steeled myself for her correction, embarrassed by the entire spectacle I had created. Instead of scolding me, or offering me advice on how to do a better job at this parenting thing…. She gently placed an arm on my shoulder, leaned in and whispered into my ear, “You are doing a great job! You are a terrific Mom.” I’m tearing up just thinking about what an impact those words had on me.
I was harshly judging myself, my kids, my reactions, their reactions and the entire time, she was observing my perseverance, thinking I was doing a good job. Her words melted me. They resonated in my heart and echoed in my head. I thanked her, and let her know how much I appreciated her saying that despite my circus. I gently placed my littlest one in her seat and proceeded down the next aisle. I’d like to say the show ended there, and that the whirlwind died down, but it did not. A shopping trip that should have taken 30 minutes, at most, was stretched to 1.5 hours. I was worn thin and frazzled by the time we finished, and we were all still starving, but by the time I left that store, two men and one other woman had stopped me to tell me that I was doing a good job, to sympathize with me or to offer me encouragement. I felt such an outpouring of love that day, and that trip, although embarrassing, was also amazing. Ultimately we escaped the store, food in hand and hurried home for a quick dinner, and all was right with the world.
Here’s What I Learned:
Parenting is hard work. Really hard work at times. A simple word of encouragement can take someone from shame to gratitude. From fear to comfort. Those strangers and the comfort they offered to a mom struggling to make it through the store with 3 hungry kids in tow probably have no idea what an impact they had on me that day, but I will be sure to pay it forward and Compliment A Parent (CAP someone) when I see discipline being enforced, a parent doing their best in a situation, or even when I see kids behaving like angels. We all need to be CAP’d every once in a while.
This week I would like to extend a personal challenge to you. Will you Compliment a parent? CAP someone? Find a mother or father doing their best and extend a kind word to them? No matter what age you are – I assure you the gesture will not go unnoticed. Then, share your experiences with us for the Friday Forum. I’d love to hear the effect you could have just from CAP’ing someone!
I’m Mandy Wichert, and this has been Stuff I Learned Yesterday.
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