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Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Darrell Darnell, I had no idea that yesterday was Nachos Day and yet I ate some tasty BBQ nachos, and I believe that if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living. In today’s episode of Stuff I Learned Yesterday I have a story about a recent change in my life.
Today’s Fun Fact:
Well, tomorrow is election day. I have a feeling some of us won’t be happy with the results. But let’s not think about that today. Instead, let’s look at some of the silliest state laws around the country. (Source: Independent Journal Review)
- Delaware: You are forbidden to sell the hair of a dog.
- Alaska: If you see a sleeping bear, it’s illegal to wake it up for a photo op.
- Nebraska: Whaling is illegal.
- New York: You can’t sell the fur of a cat.
- Oregon: Hunting in cemeteries is prohibited.
- Oklahoma: It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots.
What I Learned Yesterday
For the last several years, my Facebook bio has said, “I am happily married to my wife, Kari. We have two great kids. I am the worship leader at Crosspointe Community Church in Edmond, OK. I am the owner of Pro Podcast Solutions and Golden Spiral Media.” That bio contains five quick facts about me that represent the core of my life. My wife is Kari. I have two kids. I’m a worship leader. I own Pro Podcast Solutions. I own Golden Spiral Media. As of October 2, 2016, one of those things is no longer true.
Which is it?
I’m still podcasting here at Golden Spiral Media, so that hasn’t changed. I’m still very much the owner of Pro Podcast Solutions and it’s growing faster than ever. Last weekend I went to the OU vs. KU football game with both of my kids, so nothing has changed there. (and in case you’re wondering, Kari is not pregnant)
So that leaves two facts. My marriage to Kari is as happy and strong as ever, which leaves us with only one option. I am no longer the worship leader at Crosspointe Community Church.
So what happened?
I won’t go into all the details, but due to a variety of circumstances, Crosspointe Community Church dissolved on October 2, 2016. The quick version of the story is that for the last 6 years we were leasing a retail space in a shopping center. Over the course of those 6 years, we never met financial needs. We were a very small church. Our average attendance was probably 25-30 people.
Our lease was up the first week of October, and so we made the decision to disband the church. We looked at several other options like meeting in a home, looking at other retail space, sharing space with another church, or even meeting at a school. But in the end, the church voted to close the church on October 2nd.
I was on the leadership team that worked for several weeks to research other options and determine what recommendations we would make to the church. I have to admit, when the pastor first told me that the lease was up and the landlord wanted to rent the space to someone else, I was sure that this would be the end of our church. I just knew it in my gut. And to be completely honest, I was kind of relieved.
Why?
Well, the last few years have been a bit of a struggle for our family. We loved Crosspointe and the strong family of friends we had. I loved being the worship leader and had a great supporting team. I had a strong relationship with the pastor and looked up to him as a friend and mentor. On the other hand, our kids were not happy. Because the church was so small, they were often the only kids there. The church had no youth group or classes that were designed for kids. About a year ago another family started attending that had kids around the same age as ours and that helped. But there was still no youth group or classes for kids. There was some preliminary work done to start a youth group, but no one was able to step up and be the leader that was needed.
Kari and I had several serious conversations about whether or not we should leave Crosspointe and find a church that would be a better fit for our entire family, but I never felt a release from God to resign as the worship leader. So we stayed.
So now you understand why I was a bit relieved when I realized that Crosspointe would be closing. In some ways it was an answer to prayer. In other ways, it was incredibly sad. I knew that while some of us might end up at the same church in the future, it would likely be that last time I spent significant time with many of them.
What my intuition told me that day when I first heard about the lease turned out to be the same intuition of every member of the leadership team. As you already know, after a lot of prayer, research, analysis, and discussions, it did indeed turn out to be the end of Crosspointe.
Because I was on the leadership team, I knew about the situation a few weeks before the rest of the congregation. This meant that I had more time to process it all and prepare for the last day. I was determined to make our final day a positive one. We would celebrate all the ministry that we’d done as a church, reflect on the relationships that were forged, and encourage the congregation by focusing on the work that we would be involved with in the future through other churches that we’d join. Internally, I was excited to go find a church where every member of my family could feel as connected as I had been at Crosspointe for the last 13 years.
So on October 2nd, we sang songs together one last time. Our pastor preached a sermon that was wonderful, and we shared one last meal together. Within three days, all of the property had been donated and the building was vacant. Just like that, Crosspointe Community Church was no more.
Here’s What I Learned
Change is inevitable and it almost never happens like you imagine. In my mind, I envisioned what it would be like to say goodbye. I imagined the faces of those I looked out at from the stage each week and thought about what it would be like to tell each of them goodbye, give them a word of encouragement, and share one last embrace. I thought about what it would be like to not see them the next week or the week after that or the week after that.
The service went pretty much like I expected. It was bittersweet, encouraging, fun, sad, and memorable. I had worked hard to mentally prepare myself for the day and that preparation paid off. But after a few days, it was a different story. I was sad. In some ways it felt like the loss of a loved one. I was grieving. My grief wasn’t close to what I felt when I lost my grandpa, but I don’t know how else to describe it.
But life goes on and soon Sunday rolled around. We first visited a church that meets at the elementary school behind our house. It was kind of nice to be able to walk to church as a family. It’s now been five weeks and we’ve visited five different churches. We’ve liked them all to some extent. The one we visited last week and the one we visited yesterday are currently at the top of our list.
So I’ve learned that even when change is expected and even when you know the change is for the better, change is not easy. Change always comes with unexpected emotions and side effects.
But the good news is that we have some wonderful churches here and I know we’ll find the right one sooner or later. We’ll make new friends, get plugged in with ministry, and continue to do our best to make the world a better place by serving the people around us. Our kids will connect with other kids and be a part of a ministry that’s designed with their needs and challenges in mind.
I don’t know if I’ll ever stand on a stage again and lead worship. As of today, I’m totally content if that turns out to be the case. But I know that God has always done more through me than I can ever do on my own and if He calls me to do that again, I’ll do it. What I do know is that I’m not the man I was 13 years ago nor am I the man I want to be 13 years from now, and change is the only way for me to get there.
I’m Darrell Darnell, and this has been Stuff I Learned Yesterday.
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