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Hello, everyone! My name is John McGrail, I am stoked that my middle son picked up Star Wars Battlefront over last weekend, and I believe that if you’re not learning, you’re not living. Today I’m talking about rethinking the role of tradition in my life.
So, what’s today’s fun fact? My youngest son and I spent last weekend at Patriots Point Naval and Maritime Museum in Charleston, South Carolina so I thought I would share some fun facts about that beloved city:
- It was in Charleston that South Carolina made the declaration to secede from the United States of America shortly after the election of President Abraham Lincoln in 1860. Seven more states would follow suit quickly and the first shots fired in the Civil War would take place near Charleston.
- The first game of gold ever played in the United States was in Charleston.
- North America’s longest cable-stayed bridge spans the Charleston Harbor. The Arthur J. Ravenel Jr. Bridge connects historic Charleston and Mount Pleasant, South Carolina.
- One of the lesser-known Charleston SC facts is the production of peaches. Most people naturally assume that Georgia, known as ‘The Peach State’, has the largest number of peaches in production. However, this is not true. Charleston actually produces and ships more than 15% more across the country.
- One of the things to do in Charleston SC has always been seeking entertainment at the theater. In fact, the world-famous composer, George Gershwin lived here when he created Porgy and Bess. To this day, they remain buried at the same church.
Maybe you have a story about going to Charleston and I’d love to have you tell it as a part of the Friday Forum. The Friday Forum is your opportunity to share with me and the rest of the Stuff I Learned Yesterday community. Your Stuff can be anything up to fifteen minutes and can be in your voice or written. You can add your Stuff to the Friday Forum in several ways—by calling 3048372278 and leaving a voicemail, by going to www.goldenspiralmedia.com/feedback and uploading an audio file, or by using the provided speakpipe widget; or, you can type out an email and send it in that way.
Now, here’s what I learned yesterday:
Growing up my Mom was Queen of Tradition in the McGrail household. There were specific protocols for each major holiday and heaven help you if you tried to suggest anything that didn’t go along with the protocol. One of the ones that I remember very well was the annual spiced apples that were made every year at our Christmas Dinner—always served on Christmas Eve after the perfectly timed Moravian Lovefeast that could be at 3:30 but never later than 4:30 because that was throwing off the rest of the day’s schedule. Anyway, the apples…they were peeled, cored and served whole with a very delicious sauce in my great grandmother’s crystal dishes. They were quite yummy for sure. The other tradition was the annual cursing fest that was the putting on lights of our Christmas tree. My dad would find new and creative ways to get frustrated and there was always a plethora of new vocabulary words that I was not to share outside of the home.
There were pros and cons to these traditions of course, and now that it’s been five years since her passing I look back on these times with fondness. There was always predictability to what would happen, how it would happen, when it would happen, etc. Parenting experts much smarter than me would probably tell you that these kinds of traditions bring about stability and a sense of safety for kids growing up. I guess that’s true. I guess the intent is that the traditions will get passed on to the next generation and as they carry on they will become part of the family’s identity. The problem I had with it, frankly, is that I just didn’t pick up that sense of identity.
At the time, especially as a younger adult, following a set order of events at certain times just seemed like it lacked purpose. Like we were running through the motions. After I got married it also turned into several heated exchanges, even downright anger and disappointment when things wouldn’t run according to plan because other events and other families and wanting to establish things for ourselves and on and on and on.
Now, fast forward to this past weekend. I started the episode talking about Charleston, SC. My youngest son and I had a great time at the Patriots Point Naval and Maritime Museum. The main attractions at the park include a decommissioned naval submarine, a destroyer, and an aircraft carrier that houses groups like our Cub Scouts on a regular basis. You can stay onboard the ship, which we did, tour all over it and the other ships, and you can get a real flavor of what these ships were like during their service in conflicts like World War II. We don’t have a lot of military experiences in our family and therefore don’t have a lot of military stories told during times when we are together. So, for me, having these types of experiences to get an idea of what military life was like is a true learning event.
This was my third trip to Patriots Point and staying on the USS Yorktown. My first trip was with my oldest son when he was a Cub Scout. We had a great time together sleeping in bunks that are stacked four from the floor to ceiling and about eight inches away from each other. We ate reasonably well and saw everything about the ships. I remember freezing on the back of the boat eating lunch together. My second trip was with my middle son when he was a Cub Scout. We also had a great time and I will never forget walking through the Yorktown and finding an older gentleman with a cap on his head that had the ship’s insignia on it. We struck up a conversation and he told us of his time of service on the ship as it was out in the South Pacific during World War II. He worked in the kitchen and served the hundreds of men who were on the ship for months at a time away from their lives and families. He talked about friends he’d lost and we sincerely thanked him for his service. This past weekend was a great time for my youngest son and me. He wasn’t as keen on the sightseeing but he enjoyed being part of the adventure. We did get to go to Fort Sumter and got an amazing history lesson from one of the park rangers who educated us on the start of the Civil War and how much slavery was a part of the reasoning behind the whole conflict. As we walked around the crumbling monument my son remarked “it’s sad that so many people had to die over something so wrong.” I agreed and mentally noted that it hadn’t gone over his head and for that I was glad.
Here’s what I learned:
Maybe I’m starting to appreciate what my mom saw in all of the traditions that she stuck to with such voracity. I walked away from this weekend literally looking at the Yorktown knowing that my time was done with this magnificent creation of war. As my youngest son is now moving on and will be getting into Boy Scouts in a while we have finished another milestone, another time that is ending as he gets older. I won’t have that experience again that I’ve had with all three of my sons individually. I understand that Mom needed those traditions to hold onto what our family was about. When they ended for whatever reason she wasn’t ready for things to change. She didn’t want to walk away from them and feel that those times would not come again. Are you the one in the family that holds on to those traditions? If so, good for you. Please don’t be belligerent about it but hold your ground on why it’s important. If you’re like me and don’t always value the “protocols” just know that they are important to some around you and that you honor them by supporting them, even if it’s not what you would do. You will have your chance to create your own traditions one day, even if it’s the tradition of not doing the same thing at any point.
I’m John McGrail, and this has been Stuff I Learned Yesterday.
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