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Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Barb Rankin, yesterday, Sunday, July 3rd, 2016, I celebrated 17 years of being cancer free, and I believe that if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living. In today’s episode of Stuff I Learned Yesterday I share a lesson about the time that my world turned upside down for a period of time, when I was diagnosed with cancer.
Fun Fact:
I don’t think that cancer is a fun fact, so you’re not going to get any statistics on that. And since July 3rd falls on a Sunday this year, this episode of Stuff I Learned Yesterday won’t be heard on that day. But since everyone in the United States know what happened on July 4th (Independence Day), I thought I’d go ahead and tell you what happened on July 3rd.
These fun facts come to you from onthisday.com and from timelines.ws (and .ws is the internet country domain for Samoa).
- In 987 Hugh Capet (Hugh the Great) was crowned King of the Franks, helping to make Paris the center of French political, cultural, and religious life
- In 1608, the city of Quebec was founded by Samuel de Champlain, originally as a trading post – yeah, Canada!
- In 1767 Norway’s oldest newspaper that is still in print published its first edition – Adresseavisen – 249 years
- In 1880, “Science” was first published. Do you know who provided the initial funding to get this publication started? None other than Thomas Edison.
- Ten years later, in 1890, Idaho became the 43rd state to join the United States of America. Hmmm – I suddenly seem to be hungry for a potato.
- In 1930, the US Congress created the US Veterans Administration
- In 1940, Bud Abbott and Lou Costello made their first appearance on NBC radio. I wonder was on first …..speaking of first ….
- In 1962, Jackie Robinson became the first African American to be inducted into the National Baseball Hall of Fame
- In 1986, Mikhail Baryshnikov became a US citizen at Ellis Island, in New York Harbor.
- And finally, in 1987, two men became the first hot-air balloon travelers to cross the Atlantic. British millionaire Richard Branson and Swedish-born Per Lindstrand, the balloon’s designer, were forced to jump into the sea as their craft went down off the coast of Scotland.
What I Learned Yesterday:
I remember the day, time and exactly where I was when I found it. The lump. Shock and denial were my first thoughts. I checked again. I had to be wrong. But I knew I wasn’t.
I had a wonderful doctor in Baltimore who believed that the more his patients knew, the better prepared they would be to identify any issues or problems should they occur. So he showed me his little plastic model on which I could feel the difference between breast cysts and potential cancer lumps.
Thanks to that doctor, when I found my lump years later, I knew what it was. I wasn’t just suspicious – I knew. I lived in Phoenix, had a new doctor, and when I saw her less than one week later I knew I was right when I saw the look on her face after she examined me. She didn’t say the “C” word, but she started me on the next step, another mammogram.
I had had a mammogram a mere 2 months earlier, and nothing unusual had been found, but this one pointed toward the need for more tests. I hadn’t told anyone at this point. I think that even though I had very strong suspicions that this was cancer, I was still denying this was real – that this was happening. I was only 43 years old and no one in my family ever had cancer. They all had heart problems – not cancer! How could this happen?
It was time to engage my support system. I told my manager what was happening and that I would need to take time off work for tests. I told my friends at church, and asked them for their prayers. I told my best friends and they were ready to do anything to help. It was hard for me to do this – it made me feel vulnerable and out of control, and I was normally the person who helped others and kept it together. But not this time. This was quickly becoming a lesson in allowing others to help me, and learning to accept help graciously.
I began researching everything and anything I could find on breast cancer. I scoured the internet and called organizations for information. I went to the local library. I found the “gold standards” for treatment, depending on the type and stage of cancer. It kept me busy but it also made it more impersonal, as if I was researching for someone else and not for me. I guess that was the “denial” mechanism. Until they told me it was cancer, I could continue to hope that it wasn’t.
Next up was a needle biopsy, in which a needle is inserted into the suspicious area and cells are removed for further examination. It hurt and was uncomfortable, not to mention that I was very nervous about the test, knowing we were getting close to either saying it was or it wasn’t cancer. After the test, which was on St. Patrick’s Day, I met my friends at a local establishment, but was definitely not in the mood for a celebration.
I was told that the lump had to be removed, and on Tax Day, April 15th, I had surgery to remove it. A week later, at the doctor’s office, he and the nurse looked grim as they entered the room. Cancer.
We’ve never been promised that life will be easy in this world. There will be times when your world turns upside down. Either for you or a loved one. It can be a divorce, a serious illness, a terrible accident, a death. When this happens, and it will, each of us needs to make a personal choice – will I let this defeat me or will I fight it, will I survive it, will I find a new path, will I let others help me, will I learn how to live with these new circumstances. Be they permanent or be they temporary.
You will be in shock for some period of time. Recognize that you are in shock and that your judgment may be impaired, and this is when it is important to have a friend with you, to talk to, to ask questions of the doctors if your mind can’t process everything. Shock is a normal reaction.
After shock, you need to make a decision – fight or flight. People react in different ways. I’ve know people in terminal situations, one refused to acknowledge what was happening; one chose to let her life quietly end, and two others chose to fight with everything they had – one of those folks remains alive today, a miracle after 5 years. You need to respect the choice that someone else may make, even if it would not be your choice. You may not know how you would react unless you walk in their shoes.
When I left the doctor’s office, I called a very good friend who immediately said she would pick me up. When I saw her, that was the only time I cried. Then determination kicked in. It actually kicked in when the doctor said I had cancer. He asked if I wanted to wait a few weeks to think about my options, and I said “no,” give me the name of several oncologists, and let’s get started.
I already had a trip scheduled to Miami to begin packing Mom’s things for her eventual move to Phoenix, and I began radiation treatments the Monday after I returned. Seven weeks of daily treatments at the hospital. One of my best friends from Baltimore flew out for the last week of treatment, driving me around, and forcing me to eat. It was great to have someone else in the house everyday to offer support.
Radiation treatment leaves you exhausted with no appetite, and the effects last for a year. I’d come home from work, be in bed at 7pm, sleep until 6am, and then sleep for most of the weekend. This is where my friends really came to my aid. They mowed my postage stamp sized lawn, brought me food, and ran errands for me. When the drugs that I was also given made me sick, they were there to support me. They took me to the doctor, and they made me laugh, reminding me of my conviction to fight when things got tough.
I also learned that it was okay to fire a doctor. One doctor actually laughed when I walked into his office with my folder of research, and began asking questions. That meeting ended rather quickly. It is okay to get rid of doctors and others who are not positively contributing to your well-being. You’re better off without them.
One year later, I began to feel like my old self again. I’ve had two false positives since then, just enough to scare me, but they were just that – false. The cancer has not returned and I’m grateful and blessed to celebrate 17 years of being cancer free. Good riddance.
Here’s what I learned.
When your world turns upside down – remember, you can’t change what has happened. Face it and accept it. This is what it is – then ask yourself: “What can I positively do about it?”
I don’t know why this has happened. I may never know. How is it that I was the first person in my family with cancer? I needed to spend my energy dealing with it.
I could worry about it but that will not change where I am now. Worrying will leave me frozen and I will not be able to do what needs to be done to take care of myself. I need to spend my time learning what I can do to change or influence this situation.
I will vent when I need to vent. I will cry when I need to cry. I will mourn when I need to mourn. But I will not stay in those places longer than I need to.
My life will change for a short period of time or a long period of time. My life is always in some stage of change. This is another stage.
What is my plan? How will I deal with this? Who will be on my team supporting me, giving me encouragement, helping me, praying for me? I will ask for help. I will seek out my friends and I will embrace my faith and my hope. I don’t have to do this alone.
I will rejoice in the little victories along the way.
I will be proactive.
I will keep a positive attitude.
I will keep moving forward. One step at a time. One day at a time. Don’t just survive – thrive.
I will not give up.
I’m Barb Rankin and this has been stuff I learned yesterday.
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