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Hello, everyone! My name is John McGrail, being a Dad is truly one of the greatest gifts that the Lord has given me, and I believe that if you’re not learning, you’re not living. Today I’m going to be talking about my Dad and how our relationship has changed over the years. Yay! Season 2 of SILY is here and I am so excited about being back along with Darrell, Barb, Geoff, Michael, and a HUGE welcome to Emilee, as well of all of you contributing to our community!
So, what’s today’s fun fact? According to the 2008 US Census, there are 70,100,000 fathers in our country. The 2012 Census gathered 1,960,000 single father-households out there, and they recorded 189,000 stay-at-home dads working to raise children while their spouses work outside of the home. Working dads face serious challenges with trying to balance their work and life balance. According to a 2007 Career Builder survey, one in four working dads spend less than one hour a day with their kids and 42% spend less than two hours a day. Hopefully these numbers have gotten better after almost ten years, especially with tools that allow for working from home and other flexibility; but, there is no doubt that working dads-and moms for that matter-are fighting for the balance that their families want and need.
Now, my own fatherly advice to you is that you need to be part of the Friday Forum—your chance to share what you have been learning with me and the rest of the Stuff I Learned Yesterday community. You can add your voice to the Friday Forum in several ways—by calling 3048372278 and leaving a voicemail, by going to www.goldenspiralmedia.com/feedback and uploading an audio file, or use the provided speakpipe widget; or, you can type out an email and send it in that way.
Now, here’s what I learned yesterday:
Father’s Day has come and gone for another year. The cards were bought and sent—actually on time to arrive before Father’s Day this year! Around my house we’ll be celebrating a little later when everyone is actually in the same place at one time, which, in our summers, is not an easy feat. Our own kids are now 16, 15, 12, and 8 and their activities have them many places, even two of them heading to South America next month for a church mission trip. As a dad I couldn’t ask more for my own children. Like most dads, my hope for the next generation is that I do all I can to launch them well into the world. Frank A. Clark is quoted as saying “A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be.”
Growing up my dad and I had a genuinely good relationship. After being born in Washington, D.C. my family moved to Winston-Salem when I was six months old. My dad had an opportunity to have a role in the food service department of one of the leading hospitals in the area. His entire career would be food related—mostly fast-food management. From Arby’s, Hardee’s, KFC, and Wendy’s our family had the experience of many a meal of dad coming home with the latest and greatest new menu item. My own first job was with Arby’s and it still to this day is one of the best jobs I’ve ever had. Designing your own customized sandwich is something everyone should experience at some point or another!
Working in fast food the hours were all over the place and my dad generally did not carry the best shifts so a lot of his time was spent at work until midnight or many times later. That being said, I don’t really feel like looking back that he wasn’t around a lot for me. I would hang out while he would be changing the oil in the car, we would do other things around the house because he was a pretty handy guy, and he always put up with me dragging him to Zayre’s Department Store on Sundays standing in line before 1:00 every week to get the latest Star Wars action figures. We saw movies together, I remember distinctly him taking me to a park that had a slide that looked like a rocket quite often, and he taught me to drive a stick shift. He taught me so well that I was able to teach my bride the same skill later in life. He is the reason that I am a Pittsburgh sports fan and will continue to be for life.
My dad grew up in the North Side part of Pittsburgh PA in the 1940’s and 50’s. He is the third of three brothers and the McGrail’s were a model Catholic family of their age. Unfortunately, the McGrail’s did not express themselves emotionally very much and you also did not discuss religion or one’s own personal faith. So, if there was anything that I feel was not a strong part of my childhood it was that there was a carrying over of not expressing our emotions either. I never questioned that my dad was proud of me and that he loved me, but we never really talked about it. If there were things that caused anger or disappointment toward me they were dealt with swiftly and thankfully not dredged up again. The relationship that my mom and dad and I was also a challenging one where my dad was rarely affirmed in much of anything.
It’s been five years now that my mom passed away and my dad and I started a new normal for our relationship. We hug now, just about every time we see each other. We talk about sports differently. We talk about life differently. He is a great “Papa” to our kids and the only thing I wish for is that he could have more time with them. He even speaks of faith in a different way than I have ever heard before. My dad just turned 73, he’s living on his own and doing well but not without challenges. I anticipate my role in my dad’s life will change to more of a caregiver soon and I look forward to what our time will look like in that time period as well.
Here’s what I learned:
A dad and his son is one of the most challenging relationships that the Lord has ever created. While trying to teach sons how to be a good husband and father you are constantly tripping over your own fallacies and foibles. You are telling them to do as you say, not as you do. I say these things out of my own experience. Looking back now I know my dad was doing the best he could with what he was working with. Yes, we had challenges that I wish now we hadn’t faced but there was never a time where I doubted that he had my back and would do anything and everything to help me succeed at whatever I was doing. Today I have four father figures in my life. My dad and my father-in-law are two great examples of men who have been there and continue to be there for their families. I also have the incredible experience of now knowing my biological father where I’ve learned so much of who I am from a personality and emotional basis, and a step-father who has welcomed me into his family with graciousness and love. Ask me about that wonderful story anytime! I am blessed beyond and beyond with great fathers in my life and I hope that I can pass on as much to my kids.
I grew up with the “Rocky” films and adore them still today. A few weeks ago I got the chance to see “Creed” which carries on the Rocky Balboa story through the lens of Rocky’s famous opponent turned friend Apollo Creed’s son Adonis. Without giving away spoilers I will tell you that there is a very poignant scene where Adonis has to assist Rocky climb the same steps in the Philadelphia square that he runs up and even has a trail of celebrating kids while training in the first and second Rocky films. I teared up as I watched it. Maybe it was this hero on the screen that I have grown up with now older and frailer. Maybe it was because I am watching my dad now challenged to do things he wasn’t before. Maybe it’s the reminder I as a father have the opportunity to get past my own shortcomings and pass on the best that I can to my own kids. Hey, all you dads out there, it’s never too late.
I’m John McGrail, and this has been Stuff I Learned Yesterday.
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