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Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Darrell Darnell, I have a family of barn swallows living on my front porch, and I believe that if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living.
Unfortunately, the Migratory Bird Treaty Act of 1918 says that it is illegal to intentionally kill, capture, or disturb barn swallows, their nests, or their eggs, so there’s little I can do about it. It’s super annoying because they make a mess of my front porch. They’ve been a nuisance for several summers now and I had a bird net up for a while, but it fell down and I failed to get it put back in place before they made their nest this year.
I’m curious, have you ever had to deal with barn swallows?
I’ve shared quite a few stories from my childhood and college years and today I have one about that time of my life that didn’t really hit me with a lesson until over 25 years later.
As far back as I can recall thinking about such a thing, I intended on attending college after high school. I always did well academically, so it seemed like the natural next step. Having said that, I really didn’t think very far ahead. Even as I started high school, I gave no thought to how my grades might impact my college aspirations until I reached my junior year.
My freshman year I’d blown off my typing class, which should have been an easy A. Instead, I scored a C. Likewise, I’d scored a C in my sophomore Geometry class as well as a C in another class which I can’t recall. I scored high marks in all of my junior and senior classes, but the damage was done. There were no significant scholarships available for someone with my GPA.
I’d always known that if I were to go to college I’d be responsible for everything, so it was foolish for me to not take my classes seriously. I’d hoped to attend the University of Central Oklahoma for my first two years, and then transfer to the University of Oklahoma for my final two years.
I spoke with our school’s counselor, and he helped me arrange to take the ACT, as well as gave me info on any scholarships. I took the ACT once and scored a 26. It was high enough to get into any college I was interested in, so I was happy with that. As for scholarships, my school’s education association offered one, and the counselor told me of one available via the University of Central Oklahoma. In addition to that one, Mr. Bradley, the man who owned the McDonalds I worked at, offered a scholarship each year to a graduating senior boy and senior girl.
I applied for all three and was awarded two of them. Mr. Bradley’s scholarship was enough to pay for my books each semester, and the education association was a one-time scholarship of a couple hundred dollars. Neither were large scholarships, but I was grateful for each.
As for the one offered by the university, I didn’t have the GPA or community service record to really compete for that, so it was no surprise that I did not get it. I later met the guy that did get it, and he was way more qualified for it than I was.
I worked as much as I could and saved up as much money as possible. The summer after I graduated high school was spent working non-stop. I worked at an arts camp from 7am – 4pm, drove back home, changed clothes, and then worked at McDonalds from 5pm to 11pm. At the end of the summer, I packed up my drafting table, clothes, art supplies, and Bible into the back of my Ford EXP, and headed off to college.
I don’t recall there being any fanfare from my parents or anyone else. Perhaps there was and I’ve just forgotten it. It was only 25 miles from campus to my hometown, so I kept going to church in my hometown for the first year or so of college. I don’t recall going by my parent’s house every weekend though.
What I am sure of is I loaded up my stuff in my car, moved myself into my dorm, and handled all of the school admissions and finance stuff myself. Next month that will have been 31 years ago. Where did the time go?
As for my kids, Colby was like me and seemed to always have aspirations of going to college. Unlike me, he always took his academics seriously. Although admittedly, he’s also one of those kids who seemed to do well academically without having to try very hard or study much. You may recall that, at the advice of his principal and teacher, he skipped kindergarten.
He then went all the way through elementary school, middle school, and high school never getting anything less than an A. He graduated high school with a GPA above a 4.0, was a valedictorian, and had quite a bit of extra curricular activities and community service experience.
Based on what I’d seen when I was his age, he was well on his way to get a full-ride scholarship to nearly any university. Since he wasn’t interested in going out of state for college, we focused only on taking the ACT. He first took it as a junior and scored a 32. He took it again as a senior and scored a 34, tantalizingly close to a perfect 36. He ended up taking it 3 more times but could never get that 36. Instead, he was only able to score a measly 35.
We felt great about his academic achievements. We also had the benefit of the internet which gave us access to dozens and dozens of scholarships. I don’t know how many we applied for, but it was a LOT! The University of Oklahoma offered him a full tuition scholarship, which on one hand was amazing, and on the other hand was shocking. I really thought they’d offer him a full-ride scholarship.
We met with his academic advisor, and she told us that they don’t offer full-ride scholarships, even to students who are Rhodes Scholars. Had he scored a 36 on the ACT he would have qualified for a slightly better scholarship, but that was all that was available. I was quite surprised, but I guess that’s the current landscape of college admissions.
So as the summer came to an end and it was time for him to start band camp, we loaded up his car and our car with all his stuff, and moved him into his dorm. We took a visit to Walmart and loaded him up with other things he’d need, gave him hugs, and drove home.
Here’s what I learned.
Once Colby was moved off to college I knew he’d be busy. Marching band is only a single credit hour class, but it consumes much more than that each week. In many ways, it’s all-consuming. Once football season starts, if there’s a home game, he’s booked solid for the weekend. Still, I had in my mind that when the football team was off or out of town, he’d likely come home for the weekend.
Perhaps I thought he’d come home to do laundry or get some free food. Maybe I thought he’d come visit some high school friends. Dare I say that I thought he’d be eager to come home and see his family?!?! But that wasn’t the case.
Instead, he stayed in Norman most weekends. Sure, he came home for holidays and birthdays, but most of the time if we wanted to see him, we were going to make the trip to see him. Fortunately between football games and concerts we got to see him fairly often. He never once shied away from us visiting. He even invited us to hang out with him and his friends.
But the truth was, unlike those annoying barn swallows occupying my porch, my son had flown from the nest never to return. He’d spread his wings, experienced the freedom and independence that comes with that stage of life, and he was perfectly content to navigate those waters on his own. He knew full well that we were just a phone call away and less than an hour away if we were needed, and that he could reach out to us for any need he had.
I was not ready for this. It bummed me out and made me sad.
One day it was hitting me especially hard. I was super proud of him and his independent spirit, but I was missing my boy. In that moment of reflection, I realized that I’d done the same thing when I was his age.
I flew from the nest of my parents as fast as I could. I couldn’t wait to get out into the world, prove myself, and conquer my own little slice of it. I never once for even a tiny moment considered how this made my parents feel. Sure, I still spoke to my dad and he would also call to check on me, but I didn’t want his money or his support.
This was nothing personal. I love my dad deeply and by that time had developed a level of respect for him that I’d lacked while growing up. No, this was all about me proving I had the strength and ability to be independent.
So as I sat there pondering that time of my life, I wondered if I owed my dad an apology. Does Colby owe me an apology for making me sad? Heck no! He has done what we are all made to do.
I’ll never see him as often as I’d like, but we have such a great relationship which I treasure deeply. I love seeing him soar and reach new heights each passing year. My nest may have one less occupant, but my heart has never been so full.
I’m Darrell Darnell, and this has been Stuff I Learned Yesterday.
I want you to be a part of the next Monday Mailbag on September 29th! Monday Mailbag is your opportunity to Share what YOU’VE learned, so that other listeners and I can learn from YOU. It can be a message as short as 30 seconds or several minutes long. It really doesn’t matter just as long as it’s something that will benefit others. You can send in questions or responses to my SILY episodes, and I’ll respond to them via Monday Mailbag episodes. You can participate in Monday Mailbags by visiting the Golden Spiral Media listener feedback page.