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Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Darrell Darnell, I once met a Harry Connick Jr. look-alike, and I believe that if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living.
The story goes that one day while working at the bookstore, a man came in who looked a lot like Harry Connick Jr. One of the workers thought he might be the real deal and started calling other employees to get their opinion. It was obviously not him, but he was close enough to get most of the women floating around hoping to sneak a peek at him. He came over to the area I was working so I approached him to see if he needed help. By that time I was already well aware of the impact he was having on the female members of our staff so I asked him if he often gets mistaken for Harry. He replied that he did get it a lot and was also aware of the women in our store not being as sneaky as they thought they were, which we both found to be quite funny.
All of us make instant judgments and develop opinions of people the instant we see them before we’ve even met them or heard them utter a word. I wouldn’t say it’s right or wrong, it’s just the way our minds work. Of course, we must be willing to learn the truth about people and not just rely on our first impression judgments. Today’s story is about an occurrence of such an incident in my life, and how a person coming to my defense taught me an important lesson.
Unless this is the first time you’re checking out this podcast, you know that in the fall of 1994 I began working as a part time cashier at a local bookstore. (By the way, if this IS your first time, welcome!) A few months later the guy that oversaw the Bibles and church supplies section left. The store manager asked me to fill in for the vacancy until she could hire a full time replacement, so naturally, I obliged.
It took her several weeks to find someone to fill the spot. The issue was, she also had to fill my spot at the register, which was an easier role to fill. This meant that by the time I was no longer needed in the Bible department, I had been replaced at the register. The manager opted to have me fill in at the register as needed and perform random tasks around the store.
I cleaned the stockroom, put together cardboard displays, filled in other areas as needed, and did whatever was needed for any given day. Our store consisted of six departments: Bibles and church supplies, books, music and video, Gifts, office supplies, and education supplies.
The gifts, books, and music departments were all filled with materials related to Christianity. I mean, the Bible and church supplies department was too, but I think that part is obvious. The education department was filled with supplies an elementary school teacher in a public or private school would need to decorate and supply her classroom, as well as a section dedicated to homeschool curriculum.
Our office supplies department was full of school supplies students would need, as well as a large supply of pens, office paper, filing supplies, typewriter and printer cartridges, and anything else an office would need. Before Staples, Office Depot, or any other big box office supply store, our company was the first discount office supply store in the Oklahoma City market.
Eventually a spot opened up in the office supplies department. It was typically staffed by one full time employee and two part time employees. The full time employee was named Ken. Ken was in his 60s. He had a full head of gray hair and a full, well-groomed beard to match. Ken also had a reputation of being hard to work with and even mean. Several of the employees were intimidated by him.
Once I was assigned to his department he took me around the department and began training me to understand how it worked. He showed me how to use various catalogs and guides to find the proper ink cartridge and typewriter ribbon for customers. Sadly, as best as I can recall, we did not have access to an IBM Selectric 251.
I worked with Ken for several months and discovered the rumors about Ken were true. Ken was brash and demanding. Calling him mean might be a stretch, but I could see why he’d gotten that reputation.
I also discovered that Ken was none of those things. I eventually realized that Ken was excellent at his job. He knew the industry backwards and forwards. He prided himself on his knowledge, work ethic, and running a department that was well-stocked, prepared for customers, and staffed with a team that was competent.
If you came to work everyday on time, worked hard while you were there, performed your job with competence, and served customers the right way, you were on Ken’s good side. Once you were on his good side, you got to see the real Ken.
I eventually got to see a different Ken than the one other’s saw. Ken had a great sense of humor and a wonderful laugh. I learned that he used to work for Disney in the 60’s and 70’s. He told me stories of when he got caught on a hot set and watched them film part of the Apple Dumpling Gang. He shared a hilarious story of accidentally visiting a gay bar with some friends after work.
Ken and I ended up forming a friendship that lasted the entire duration of my nearly 20 years at the company. I eventually worked with his wife at the corporate office. She and Ken were two of the most wonderful people I ever had the privilege to work with.
Eventually I was moved from the office supplies department to the education department. After several months there, a position opened up as the department lead for Bibles and church supplies. I was awarded the position. Some time later a position opened up as a key carrier.
A key carrier is a position that I think is fairly common, but in case it’s not a position you’re familiar with, let me explain. The key carrier was given three keys. One key went to the front doors so they could open and close the store. One key was a master key to the register so they could perform manager overrides. The third key went to the back office. Along with that they were given the combination to the safe and trained on how to set up the cash for each register, get change for cashiers throughout the day, and balance the daily books.
In terms of authority, the store manager was the top, the assistant manager was next, and the key carrier was the third in line. If the manager or assistant manager were on duty, they were primarily responsible for answering manager calls. If they were busy, or in most cases, if they had gone home for the day, the key carrier would respond. On some occasions the key carrier would be responsible for closing the store, and in those cases, they were the only manager on duty, thus the person in charge of the store. Likewise, they could be responsible for opening the store, and would be the person in charge until the manager or assistant manager came in later that day.
One day a customer came into the store looking for pocket folders with brads. I happened to see her looking around and took her to the spot where they were located. We sold them in packs of 10 or boxes of 50. The customer only needed 12. She didn’t want to buy a box of 50 and she didn’t want to buy multiple packs of 10. She wanted to buy exactly 12.
She asked if I could open a box of 50 and sell her the 12 that she needed. I told her that I was unable to do so. We sold them exactly as they were packaged either as a pack of 10 or a box of 50. Naturally, she was not happy with my answer.
About that time Ken walked by. Seeing that Ken was an older man with gray hair and a beard, she called out to him. He walked over and asked how he could help. She told him that she needed only 12 folders and wanted to know if he would break open a box and sell her just the number that she needed. He then looked at me, back at her and said, “what did he say?” She told him that I’d said we weren’t able to do that. Ken then replied, “He’s the boss. If that’s what he says, then that’s the answer.”
She was surprised. She looked at Ken and made a comment about him being older so he must be the boss. Ken reiterated that I was the one in charge and that my decision was the final one to be made.
I honestly have no idea if she bought the folders or not. I just remember looking over at Ken and giving him a look of appreciation and a big smile.
Here’s what I learned.
After the customer left I pulled Ken aside and thanked him for backing me up. I also asked him if he thought I’d made the right decision by refusing to break a box open and sell them by the each. Ken said that he agreed completely with my decision. He didn’t think opening up a box was the right decision either. I asked him why he didn’t just tell her that, and he told me that his opinion wasn’t the one that mattered. As he told her, I was the boss and my decision was all that mattered.
I don’t know what Ken would have done if he would have disagreed with my decision. I think in this situation he might have done exactly as he indicated. That is, he would have honored my decision with the customer. I hope that he would have pulled me aside afterward and shared his differing opinion so that we could talk it out and each gain a broader perspective.
While I still think the customer was being a Karen for demanding that we open up a box and sell her only part of it, I don’t blame her for thinking Ken was the boss. I mean, it does seem less likely that the 19 year old would be the boss of the 60 year old.
I’ve reflected on this encounter several times throughout the years. It meant a lot that Ken backed me up and it gave me a lot of confidence that I had the decision making skills to do the job. It also taught me a lot about understanding authority structures and trying to view those in authority with fresh eyes instead of making assumptions.
It wasn’t until years later that I realized the deeper context of that day. Remember, Ken had a rough exterior that intimidated people, but I’d come to know him as a softie and a friend. That relationship came because we’d worked side-by-side. Ken respected my work ethic. The respect that we developed when we worked side-by-side was on display in that moment and I didn’t realize it.
Respect and authority are a two way street. I firmly believe we should respect those in authority over us. However, only fools think that just because they have authority they must be respected. As a recovering fool, I can testify that true respect is earned, not given. When authority is handled with humility, respect is not only returned, it is accompanied with loyalty. Humility, respect, and loyalty are a three-cord strand that are not easily broken, and form pillars upon which long standing relationships can be built.
I’m Darrell Darnell, and this has been Stuff I Learned Yesterday.
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