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Unsolicited validation
Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Mark Des Cotes, I grew a beard this week because I didn’t feel like shaving, and I believe if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living. In today’s episode of Stuff I Learned Yesterday I talk about the satisfaction of receiving validation.
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Today’s Fun Fact of the Day: If you’re old enough to remember the days when AOL ruled the internet, I bet you can rhyme off what played whenever an email came in via the service. The iconic “You’ve Got Mail” was voiced by Elwood Edwards. In 1989 his wife over heard Q-Link CEO Steve Case describe how he wanted to add a voice to the user interface of the upcoming AOL software he was working on, and she suggested her husband. Elwood recorded the iconic phrase in his living room on a portable cassette recorder along with “Welcome”, “You’ve Got Pictures”, “You’ve Got Voicemail”, “File’s Done”, and “Goodbye”
Here’s What I leaned yesterday.
It’s alway nice to be told when you’re doing a good job. Back in grade school we were thrilled when the teacher gave us a gold star or a stamp. In high school it was the handwritten “Good Job” or something similar written on the corner of our corrected tests or papers. It wasn’t much, but it was validation that the effort we put in was recognized.
Unfortunately, outside of school, that validation of a job well done doesn’t seem to come as often. I’m not saying it never happens, it just doesn’t happen as often as it used to. Bosses don’t dish out “Well done” to employees just for doing their jobs. You have to go way above and beyond to receive any sort of validation from some employers and that’s not always possible.
Sure we receive praise from family and friends but that kind of validation doesn’t really count, does it? After all, they are family and friends and part of the job description isn’t it? Telling you, you did good. So it doesn’t have the same effect on you.
The thing with validation is, it not only affirms that you did something good. It shows you that others are paying attention to you, and that they recognize that you did something good.
This can have a snowball effect on you. When you receive validation from someone that you you’re doing well, you automatically want to push yourself do even better. To work harder. It’s almost like, now that you know this person is paying attention to you, you want to give them reason to keep paying attention to you.
It’s a form of positive reinforcement, wether it’s intended that way or not.
My daughter has a bad habit of leaving dirty dishes on the counter after school instead of putting them in the dishwasher. It drives my wife crazy when she arrives home after work to find dirty dishes there. Kim tells me that since I’m at home I should be telling Joelle to put her dishes in the dishwasher.
The thing is, Joelle is 15 years old, and telling her to do something has the opposite effect. I could tell her to put her dirty dishes in the dishwasher every day and I can guarantee it wouldn’t be done. So instead, whenever I find dishes out, I put them in the dishwasher myself and don’t say a word. The counter is clean when Kim comes home so she’s happy.
Now on some days, Joelle does put her dishes in the dishwasher. On those days I make a point of thanking her for putting them away or for not leaving them on the counter. She usually rolls her eyes at me and asks what’s the big deal but I just smile at her. You see I’ve given her validation for what she’s done.
The fun thing is, the more I do this, the more often she puts her dishes in the dishwasher. Not always, but she now does it more often than naught.
It’s all the same. It doesn’t matter if it comes from a teacher at school, a boss at work or a parent at home, although I did say family doesn’t really count but let’s go with it anyway. Receiving validation for something you’ve done makes you feel good and want to continue.
Life would be so much better if everyone handed out gold stars.
Here’s what I learned.
I have an elderly client that I’ve been helping for close to 20 years. I don’t do design work for her. I help her with her computer when she has troubles with it. Two or three times a year she asks me to come over and fix minor issues she has with updates or connection problems.
Last week she asked me to help her switch her email to a different provider. As I was leaving house she told me I had lost weight and I was looking good.
This comment took me a bit off guard because over the last few weeks I’ve actually gained weight. I had been doing really well before my trip to Podcast Movement in August but since returning home I’ve let things slip. I’ve only worked out a couple of time and I’ve loosened my eating habits.
But she hadn’t seen me in over six months and I am down from what I was then. So her comment was validation to me that I had been doing well in my weight loss journey. It also kicked me in the butt and got me back on track again. I wasn’t trying to loose weight for her but her acknowledging it motivated me to try even harder. So that hopefully the next time I see her she’ll mention it again.
As I’ve mentioned over the last couple of weeks I’m working on a new graphic design related podcast. Well, I launched it last Wednesday. Since then I’ve received some great comment on Facebook and Twitter. But something happened I wasn’t expecting.
You know the way we end each episode of SILY by saying: “If you enjoyed this episode of Stuff I Learned Yesterday we would appreciate it if you’s leave us a review in iTunes”? We say that because iTunes reviews helps boost our podcast in the ranks and makes it easier for people to stumble upon.
My design podcast in my opinion is still too new for me to ask for reviews. I could, I suppose. But I prefer wait until people have had a chance to listen for a few weeks and get to know me and the show before I ask them to leave me a review.
However, after my initial launch with four episodes last Wednesday someone left me a 5 star review in iTunes. I didn’t ask for it, they took it upon themselves to do it. And it isn’t from any of my friends or family.
They wrote: “A fun podcast with and engaging host who knows the subject matter quite well, what more could you want in a podcast?”
That review means so much to me. It’s the very first one for my new podcast and the kind words are validation that what I’m doing isn’t a waste of my time. Reading that just makes me want to do an even better job for my next episode.
We don’t get enough validation in life for all the good things we do. But that shouldn’t stop us from setting an example.
I want you to go out of your way today to find things, anything, that people around you are doing and let them know what you think of the job their doing.
Be the person that gives them validation. Who knows, they may get the bug and pay it forward and start the snowball rolling.
I’m Mark Des Cotes and this has been Stuff I Learned Yesterday.
I would love to know what you though of this episode. Share on our Facebook group at Facebook.com/groups/stuffilearnedyesterday. Join the conversation.
You can Follow Golden Spiral Media on Twitter at GSMPodcasts and Facebook.com/GoldenSpiralMedia. If you’ve enjoyed this episode of Stuff I Learned Yesterday, I would be grateful if you’d leave a review in iTunes.
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