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Little White Lie

Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Mark Des Cotes, I sweat like a pig every day when I do my workout, and I believe if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living. In today’s episode of Stuff I Learned Yesterday I talk about acceptable lies.

Hi there everyone. Hang in there, if you’re listening to this when it’s released then you’re already at the mid point of the week. Before you know it the weekend will be upon us.

Like Darrell mentioned on Monday’s episode, I’m getting very excited for Podcast Movement as well. I can’t believe how close it is. My wife, daughter and I are heading down to Texas the weekend before and making a vacation out of it. This will be the farthest south we’ve ever been. We’re really looking forward to seeing the sights and experiencing some southern hospitality.

Not to mention the conference itself. I can’t wait to meet everyone there. Especially Darrell. You know, I’ve been podcasting for going on three years now and I’ve never met another podcaster face to face.

Speaking of Darrell, he mentioned that the Friday Forum mailbag is empty. Now’s the perfect time to submit your story. Visit https://www.goldenspiralmedia.com/feedback and use the form on that page to submit your written or audio message. You can also use the speakpipe widget to record something using your devices microphone. And of course you can call our voice feedback line at 304-837-2278.

Today’s Fun Fact of the Day: It’s been over 30 years since I’ve been on a plane so in honour of my upcoming flight to Texas I thought I’d share some fun facts about aviation with you. Did you know that an average of 61,000 people are airborne over the U.S. at any given hour. Aircraft control towers need to have constant visibility of the airfield at all times. To that end, their windows are angled precisely at 15°, which prevents glare and reflections from blocking a controller’s view of the runways.
As far as meals on a plane, did you know that on commercial airliner flights, the pilot and co-pilot never eat the same meal. This is for the safety of the craft: if the pilot is laid low by food poisoning, the co-pilot should still be well enough to continue the flight. And lastly, it turns out that our ability to perceive salty tastes is weakened by the cabin pressure, so food tastes sweeter on a plane.

Here’s What I leaned yesterday.
Lying is a form of self preservation. From a young age we’re told that it’s wrong to lie. Our parents told us such and our teachers did likewise. But that didn’t stop us from testing the boundaries at some point in our childhood, either out of fear of punishment or possibly out of curiosity to see if we can get away with it. Perhaps we did something wrong like set toilet paper on fire and refused to admit guilt when confronted. Or, perhaps we wolfed down a cupcake super fast and then told our teacher we hadn’t received our treat yet. Either way, we knew it was wrong but we did it anyway.

Of course we didn’t always succeed. Sometimes we got caught and we were punished accordingly, depending on the severity of the lie, in the hopes that we would learn a lesson and not do it again.

So goes one of the rights of passage from childhood.

But as far as lying goes, nothing was as grand, or unexpected as when we caught our parents in a lie.

I remember the first time I caught my mom in a lie. I was six or seven years old. I really wanted a Big Wheel for Christmas. One of those blue, red and yellow low-riding plastic tricycles that were very popular in the 70s. It was all I could think about in the days leading up to the big day. On Christmas morning I ran to the living room but none of the presents under the tree were large enough for a Big Wheel. We opened our gifts and when we were done I had lots of great toys but not the one thing I had been hoping for. That’s when my mom told me that they really wanted to get me one, but the store had been sold out when she went to buy it.

That evening my grand parents and a few aunts and uncles came for dinner. After the meal my mother left the room and then exclaimed that there was a gift she had forgotten to put under the tree. Who could it be for. I ran into the living room and low and behold there was a Big Wheel with a huge bow on it. I was ecstatic.

That evening at bedtime, I questioned my mother about the present. She told me she had wanted to give it to me when all the family was there. Then I reminded her what she had told me that morning about the store being sold out and I told her it had been a lie. My mother then explained to me that there’s something called a little white lie. A little white lie is one that is told with good intentions out of love or compassion instead of deceit. I’m sure she worded it differently to a seven year old but that was the gists of it.

That’s when I learned that sometimes, it’s ok to lie, as long as it’s with good intentions and nobody is hurt because of it. The little white lie.

Fast forward to my high school years. Unlike today where kids are taught at a young age about the dangers of drinking and doing drugs. Back in the 80s the topic was never brought up. Parents and teachers didn’t lecture us on use of such substances back then. There wasn’t much on TV about it either. The whole “This is your brain on drugs” advertising campaign with the eggs in the frying pan didn’t start until 1987.

With peer pressure and the desire to fit in at high school, it was hard to avoid at least testing the waters, if you will.

Now although there weren’t many drug awareness initiatives back then, we still knew they were bad for us and if we took a stand and said “No to drugs” most of our friends and schoolmates would understand and leave us along.

This also went with cigarettes. It was around that time that studies on the dangers of smoking were being widely publicized. A lot of people smoked but if you turned down a cigarette you weren’t frowned upon.

The same however can’t be said of alcohol. If you were a high school kid in the 80s you were expected to drink.

Now I didn’t grow up with alcoholic parents. I didn’t know anyone involved in a drunk driving accident at the time. And I had no religious or ethnic beliefs against drinking. I just personally didn’t see the point and decided on my own that drinking wasn’t for me.

I had tried my dad’s beer several years before and thought it was one of the most disgusting things I had ever tasted, and I had drank half my brother’s discarded wild berry vodka cooler at one time which actually tasted pretty good. But I saw what alcohol did to people so I made a decision that I wouldn’t drink.

The problem was, as I mentioned a minute ago, I was starting high school, and if one wanted to be accepted amongst his peers in the 80s, he needed to drink.

This is where the little white lie from earlier comes into effect. I was watching TV one day and I saw a story about this boy that was allergic to chocolate. I remember thinking how awful it would be not to be able to eat chocolate. However, the boy in the story lived a normal life. He played sports, went to parties and did everything all his friends did except eat chocolate.

This gave me an idea. The first time the topic of drinking came up I lied to my friends and told them that I was allergic to alcohol. They were shocked and asked me all sorts of questions about it. I lied some more and told them if I drank anything with alcohol in it I would break out in a rash and swell up, and there was a possibility of my throat constricting.

This little white lie had the desired effect. First, my friends immediately felt sorry for me. The same way I had felt sorry for the chocolate allergy boy. But I just shrugged this off saying “what can I do”. The second thing was that my friends immediately stopped pressuring me to drink. I was accepted without having to partake.

Word quickly spread and soon the whole school knew me as the kid that was allergic to alcohol. Remember, I wasn’t against drinking. I just didn’t want to do it myself. I was invited to parties, I watched as friends raided their parents liquor cabinets. I even made my share of liquor runs when I was old enough. In fact, I became one of the most popular kids in school once I had my drivers licence. I was the one person people could count on to be the designated driver because they knew I would remain sober. The best part was I never had to buy a soda for myself.

I kept up the front through college and into my mid twenties when I didn’t need to rely on my little white lie anymore. By that time, it was OK if I turned down a drink without an excuse.

Even though I haven’t used the little white lie in a couple of decades, every once in a while I’ll be out and run into someone from high school who remembers, and they’ll pass me over when offering drinks or speak up on my behalf when someone else offers. I don’t bother correcting them.

Here’s what I learned.
There are two things actually. One, it’s ok to tell a little white lie. As long as you don’t do it maliciously. If it’s done with good intentions in mind and nobody is hurt because of it, then it’s OK.

Nobody was ever hurt by my claiming to be allergic to alcohol. Sure a few people were out a couple of buck when they bought me sodas, but then, I was the one driving so I didn’t feel guilty about accepting the drinks.

The second thing I learned is that you don’t need to drink to have fun. I had a great time in high school and college, despite not drinking. In fact I may have had a better time than many people since I never ended a party by throwing up and I could always remember all the fun come morning.

I don’t understand people who think they need to be drunk in order to have a good time. Believe me, the good time is actually being had by those witnessing your stupor. Being the only sober person at a party means I have many stories and know many things that I would never dare repeat out of respect for those involved. Most of whom wouldn’t remember the things I’ve seen and would die of embarrassment if I ever told them.

I still don’t drink. When people hear my story they ask if I regret it. To be honest, I don’t. I don’t really know what I’m missing so how can I regret it. I’m ok when people drink around me. I can have just as much fun without.

I know I’m an anomaly. Some people don’t drink because of their religion. Some due to medical reasons and other’s due to past problems with alcohol. I don’t have any of these excuses. People may think me strange but I’ve just never had the desire to do it. Besides, looking back over the years I kind of like thinking of all the money I’ve saved. Because from what I can tell, drinking is crazy expensive.

So if you’re one of our younger listeners, perhaps a teenager trying to fit in. Trust me when I say, you don’t need alcohol to have fun. And anyone who tells your otherwise doesn’t have your best interest at heart. And if you are feeling the pressure of your peers, please feel free to borrow my little white lie try it on for yourself. Who knows, You may end up the most popular kid in school.

In case you’re wondering, I’m now 45 years old, and the last alcoholic drink I ever had was that half bottle of wild berry vodka cooler my brother never finished sometime back in the 70s.

I’m Mark Des Cotes and this has been Stuff I Learned Yesterday.

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