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Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Darrell Darnell. My favorite Avenger is Iron Man, and I believe that if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living.
In case you’re wondering, Spider-Man comes in second place, with Captain America taking the third spot on the podium. Of course, none of them come close to Batman. But I think that’s why Iron Man is my favorite. Like Batman, he’s just a normal guy that uses his mental, physical, and financial resources to fight evil. They have no superpowers, so I find them to be more relatable to be someone I could realistically aspire to become.
But unlike Batman, I’ve never actually picked up an Iron Man comic or read any other Marvel comic. I was always a DC guy growing up and didn’t really become familiar with most of Marvel’s characters until they made their way to the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
That’s mostly the case for Thor. I knew Thor was a character that existed. I knew he was based off of Norse mythology, and I knew he had a big hammer. But that was the limit of my Thor knowledge. I’m still no export on Thor by a long shot, but I know that he has power over the weather, which allows him to create storms and use lighting to help him vanquish his foes.
In Thor: Ragnarok there’s a scene where he looks to be defeated by Hela, Asgard is about to be overtaken, and an epic battle is being sieged on Bifröst, the bridge between Asgard and Earth. Suddenly Thor’s eye begins to glow and storm clouds form. A giant thunder clap is heard followed by a massive lightning storm. The momentum of the battle shifts and moments later Thor and his team have prevailed. It’s an incredible moment fueled by Led Zeppelin’s “Immigrant Song” and an all time great scene from any of the Avenger movies.
You could say that nobody steals Thor’s thunder. He is the god of thunder, after all. But perhaps he’s the only one who is immune to having their thunder stolen. As for me, my name is Darrell Darnell, and I am a stealer of thunder.
When I was twenty or so, I was in the process of looking for a new church. My girlfriend had just dumped me, and for some reason I didn’t want to continue attending the same church as her. One of my co-workers, Chuck, invited me to his church and it quickly became my new church home.
I was excited about my faith and eager to get involved in ministry. Chuck was also a college student, and he was one of two volunteers that worked with the youth group. At some point, Chuck invited me to help out too. My memory is a little foggy with the specifics of the timeline, but I know that when I first started helping, Chuck and Jeff were co-teaching the group every Wednesday night.
It was a great group of kids. It was a couple of girls there named Hannah and Lindsey that first nicknamed me Mardarrell. It’s a name I still embrace to this day. I use it as my Twitter handle, own the web URL by that name, and often use it in other places. I still keep in touch with Lindsay. Her sister is my CPA and as I’m writing this, my wife and I just talked with both of them last week. It’s great to see them as moms raising kids to love Jesus as much as they do.
Whether it was the reason Chuck first invited me to help out or not I can’t recall, but I know at some point I became the worship leader for the youth group. I was just learning to play guitar in those days and leading the youth group each week and at youth retreats was an absolute blast.
Chuck and Jeff did a great job teaching the class. Chuck was always deeply dedicated to studying the Bible and took the role of teaching it very seriously. In fact, Chuck is now the lead pastor of the church. Jeff was also very enthusiastic about his role. I remember him being very aware of making the lessons interesting with visual elements. One week as they were teaching about the heart, Jeff stopped by the local butcher and picked up a cow’s heart as a visual aid. It was very effective in grabbing their attention and helping with the lesson.
You may recall from a previous episode that at some point Chuck asked me to start meeting throughout the week to do Bible study together. Like many people, Christian and non-Christian alike, Chuck and I were intrigued by the book of Revelation. It’s a fascinating book and we dove head first into it trying to understand it.
Eventually, some of the kids learned that Chuck and I were studying it, and wanted us to teach them about it. So we did. Again, my memory is a bit foggy on the details, but what I remember is that eventually, Jeff was no longer teaching. He was just standing off to the side. I was doing music, and then Chuck and I would teach.
I never once had a conversation with Jeff about it. I never once even took a moment to consider how Jeff would feel about me partnering with Chuck. I was so excited to teach, it was the only thing I considered. Perhaps Chuck had some conversations with him. I don’t know. All I know is that I look back at it now, I stole Jeff’s thunder. He went from being excited to teach the kids and going out of his way to bring in exciting visual aids, to standing off to the side watching. Eventually he stopped helping altogether.
I have no idea how much of a role I played in that, but I’m convinced there was a better way.
About 10 years later there was a different incident. As I approached 30, I’d had quite a journey in my career path. At 24 I accepted the role of store manager. At 26 I moved to the corporate office as a buyer. Weeks before I turned 28 I was let go from that position but retained within the company.
The company felt I was better suited for the store operations side, and relocated me to one of the local stores as a temporary position. Six months later I was relocated again to a different local store. It was a tough time for me. I no longer wanted to serve as a store manager because doing so would most certainly mean moving out of state. By that time our daughter was almost 2 and our son was weeks away from being born. We wanted to remain local where our families were.
This second store where they put me was either the largest or second largest store in the company by revenue. The problem was, the store didn’t need me. The store already had a very talented and capable store manager and assistant manager. In addition to that, the store had a woman named Debbie who had the role of co-manager. She had once been a local store manager, but her store was closed and later relocated to Texas.
Like me, she didn’t want to move, so the company had placed her at that local store where her skills could be better used. So you can see why this would mean that the store couldn’t really benefit from having me there. There is a good reason I was located there, but that’s a story for a different day. Today’s story is about Debbie.
As Christmas time arrived, each store was encouraged to put together a Christmas party for the store employees and a plus one. Some stores would cater in food and have the party on a Sunday afternoon when the store was closed. Other stores would reserve a party room at a local restaurant and have the party off site.
My first year there involved having the party at the store. Organizing the party was largely Debbie’s responsibility. She was gifted in hospitality and thoughtful in organizing a party with the kind of details that made the experience rewarding and fun for everyone. It was also a chance for her to be the leader and show off some of the skills that she didn’t get to exercise as much since she had become a co-manager.
Debbie also had another skill. She loved to write. As I understand it, Debbie would write and organize some sort of live production for each year’s Christmas party. Think of it as something longer than a skit, but shorter than a school play. Employees were encouraged to participate if they wanted. She made costumes, oversaw rehearsals, and emceed the event throughout the party.
My first year there I got to see it first hand. Debbie did a great job and we all laughed our heads off. The store manager had a reputation for being stern and seldom smiled. But somehow Debbie managed to talk him into coming out wearing a pink tutu dancing to the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy. It was amazing!
As the time approached to begin preparing for the next year’s Christmas Party, I had an idea for the production that I thought was good. I floated the idea by a few people and they thought it was a good idea too. With their support, I presented my idea to Debbie, and she loved it too.
My idea involved creating a video and then showing that video on a TV at the party rather than a live performance. While Debbie liked my idea, I don’t think she realized the implications of it. Once she approved my idea, I took ownership of it. I provided the video and sound equipment. I assigned the roles. I oversaw the rehearsals and recording sessions. I even took care of editing the film. To be honest, I don’t know if Debbie played any role at all.
That year our Christmas party was held at a local restaurant’s party room. When the time came, I eagerly took my place at the front of the room, shared a bit of info to set up the film, and pushed play. Over the next several minutes I took great joy and satisfaction as the group laughed, pointed, shared smiling glances, and enjoyed the final product of all our hard work.
Debbie liked it too, but it was clear that she wasn’t fully happy about it. Was she jealous? Perhaps a little. Mostly I think she felt excluded. I’d stolen her thunder.
Here’s what I learned.
It took me years to see this fault in myself. To be honest, I’m still not convinced I’m capable of realizing that I’ve stolen someone’s thunder until a great deal of time has passed. I’m not sure that I’m able to recognize it ahead of time or while I’m in the act of doing it. That scares me a little.
When I look back at these stories with Jeff and Debbie, I have deep regret. I’m not exactly sure what I could have done in Jeff’s story, but I know a conversation at the very least would have been appropriate. I’d like to think that we could have found a way to keep him involved. Perhaps he and I could have alternated weeks that we each helped Chuck.
With Debbie, there are all kinds of ways that I could have gotten her involved. I wasn’t thoughtful or mature enough to understand how I was hurting her by excluding her. I certainly never intended to hurt her or steal her thunder. I was leaning into my natural inclination to take ownership of a project and lead.
A better approach would have been to approach her just as I did and ask her what she thought. Once she told me she liked the idea, I should have followed up by asking her questions like, “What role would you like to play in this production?”, “How can we work together to make this production happen?”, “What ideas do you have that can make this even better?” or “I value the insight you’ve gained by doing these types of projects. What advice do you have to make this a success?”
Debbie and I had a great working relationship. I know I respected her a lot and I felt like she respected me too. As successful as that video production was, I know it would have been even better if I’d included her creativity and experience. More importantly, I wouldn’t have taken her joy and stolen her thunder.
And that’s the lesson for today. If you’re like me, you love the thrill of getting set free to take an idea and run with it. That’s a great feeling and often comes with rewarding outcomes. Just don’t take off without first taking a look around you. Bringing others with you has all sorts of benefits. Thor doesn’t face his challenges alone, and we shouldn’t be either.
I’m Darrell Darnell, and this has been Stuff I Learned Yesterday.
I want you to be a part of the next Monday Mailbag in two weeks on June 30th! Monday Mailbag is your opportunity to Share what YOU’VE learned, so that other listeners and I can learn from YOU. It can be a message as short as 30 seconds or several minutes long. It really doesn’t matter just as long as it’s something that will benefit others. You can send in questions or responses to my SILY episodes, and I’ll respond to them via Monday Mailbag episodes. You can participate in Monday Mailbags by visiting the Golden Spiral Media listener feedback page.