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Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Darrell Darnell. Many philosophers were referenced in the TV show LOST, including Descartes, who was referenced on the blast door map in season 2. And I believe that if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living.
In case you’re wondering about that LOST reference, the blast door map included the phrase, “Cogito (cog-eh-doh) ergo doleo, meaning “I think, therefore I suffer.” Of course, that is a play on Descartes famous phrase, Cogito ergo sum, or, I Think, therefore I am.”
I gotta be honest, today’s episode is weird for me. For most episodes, I put together a story that has impacted my life or the life of someone I know, and I walk away with some sort of applicable lesson.
But with today’s episode, not only am I not sure that what I’m going to talk about has impacted my life in any significant way, I’m not sure it’s impacted anyone else’s life either. How’s that for a setup?
What do you think are the characteristics of a mature person? What about the characteristics of a spiritually mature person?
Several years ago I was leading a Bible study for young adults at our church. I remember sitting in the living room of my friends Greg and Laura having this conversation. During that conversation I confessed to them that I struggled with having sympathy. To me, it was clear that the Bible teaches us that we should be sympathetic, yet I often found myself apathetic.
Does this make me immature? Selfish? Narcissistic? A sociopath? I’m not sure. I hope not, but I’m certainly one that has been guilty of at least some of those things.
But it’s also not as if I don’t care or possess sympathy. I care about a lot of things and a lot of people. I not only care about people I know personally, but strangers who are facing difficulty.
If that’s the case, why would I characterize myself as someone who struggles with sympathy? Perhaps that is in itself the issue. I looked at other people around me, some within my church and some who were acquaintances outside my church, and I saw how deeply sympathetic they were to others.
I saw people who, without seemingly having to think, knew exactly what to do and how to respond to a person who was hurting. They seemed to be able to know and understand the needs of a person before that person even realized it themselves.
I saw them spring into action and care for people in amazing ways. And there I was wishing I’d been able to see that need or understand that I could help someone in that way. Instead, I was seeing the same situation, but not responding. Even worse, sometimes I wasn’t even realizing that something should be done.
I understand that all of us are gifted in certain ways. Some have the gift of hospitality, or the ability to care for people in deeply personal ways that others do not. I get that. But too often I felt like I was missing obvious stuff and wondering if it was because I was too selfish or lacked common sympathy.
To be honest, I’m still not sure what the answer to that is.
Here’s what I learned.
The Bible study I mentioned earlier was several years ago. I’m talking before I had Facebook or a cell phone. Cell phones were certainly around then, but I was still resisting the push to get one. Facebook was around, but I don’t think it had opened up to non-college students yet.
I say that because social media and the proliferation of cell phones have enabled us to connect with people in ways never before possible.
I still struggle with identifying when someone has a need and understanding how to best meet a need.
I mean, certainly one thing that should be done in these situations is prayer. But prayer isn’t enough. What I mean is, praying for someone’s situation is good, but I know that God uses people to help people.
The New Testament book of James put it this way: ‘What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.’
So where does that bring us?
Let’s go back to the beginning of the episode to that quote from Descartes, “I think, therefore I am.” I realize I am a clod and not a brilliant philosopher, but I think Descartes was wrong. I think a better statement is, “I am thought of, therefore I am.”
Certainly the fact that we have the capacity to think signifies our existence. However, I’ve seen too many people who think they don’t exist because no one seems to notice them or acknowledge them. Honestly, I think deep down all of us need someone to affirm us in some way in order for us to feel like we exist. Thus, “I am thought of, therefore I am.”
I also said something else to start out today’s episode. I said, “with today’s episode, not only am I not sure that what I’m going to talk about has impacted my life in any significant way, I’m not sure it’s impacted anyone else’s life either.”
So what is that thing?
That thing is the thing I came up with several years ago that I do often. That is, I use technology to connect with people. Okay that sounds simple and obvious. Let me clarify.
I don’t know when I started doing this and I don’t know what my motivation was. That is, I don’t know if I started doing this as a direct way to combat the personal challenges I’ve spoken about today or if I started doing it randomly and it snowballed into something else.
But what I do, nearly without fail, is simply let someone know when I’m thinking of them. It might be a former coworker or an old high school friend. It could be a former client or someone in my industry.
But if I have their phone number or we’re connected on Facebook, I’ll ping them. I’ll usually say something like, “you’ve been on my mind today so I wanted to let you know I was thinking of you. I hope you’re doing well.”
Other times I’ll see something that reminds me of that person so I’ll send them a picture of it and say, “I saw this and it made me think of you. I hope you’re doing well.”
Does it matter? Is it making a difference?
I’m not sure. I mean, I do this all the time. I really do just do it when it naturally happens through my day-to-day life, but I would guess I send out a message like that several times a month.
Oftentimes, I get no reply. And that’s okay.
Sometimes it rekindles a connection. Other times it leads to a request for prayer.
One other thing I do is reach out to someone on a day where I know they are having a tough day, like the anniversary of the passing of a loved one.
You may recall the importance white tulips play in the lives of my friends from the TV show Fringe. If not, I encourage you to go check out episode 341, “The Arrival of White Tulips.” In 2023 a friend of mine from the Fringe community lost his son to a random act of violence. I had no idea it had happened until months later.
Once I found out, I put a reminder on my calendar. As the one year anniversary approached, I mailed him a white tulip like the one Walter received in Fringe. The gesture helped him know he and his family were being thought of and he was being prayed for.
Are these gestures of letting someone know they are being thought of helpful? Are they enough?
I don’t know. I’d like to think they help in some way.
But I do believe we feel loved and valued when we know we are seen and thought about. I also know that when tragedy strikes and bad days happen to us, it’s often hard to accept help. Or when we see others going through a difficult time, it’s awkward to insert yourself into someone’s life so that you can help them, even if your intentions are noble.
My hope is that by reaching out to let people know I’m thinking of them, they’ll not only feel valued in that moment I text them, but if they ever find themselves in a situation where they need help, it will make it easier for me to be there for them.
And that’s today’s episode. Let people know you’re thinking of them. Small things matter. Be authentic. Pray and also act. Kindness comes in many forms and is often simple. Simple isn’t insignificant.
I’m Darrell Darnell, and this has been Stuff I Learned Yesterday.
I want you to be a part of the next Monday Mailbag on June 30th! Monday Mailbag is your opportunity to Share what YOU’VE learned, so that other listeners and I can learn from YOU. It can be a message as short as 30 seconds or several minutes long. It really doesn’t matter just as long as it’s something that will benefit others. You can send in questions or responses to my SILY episodes, and I’ll respond to them via Monday Mailbag episodes. You can participate in Monday Mailbags by visiting the Golden Spiral Media listener feedback page.