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Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Darrell Darnell, I find it fascinating that Donkey Kong, Mario, Star Fox, Pikmin, and The Legend of Zelda were all created by the same person, Shigeru Miyamoto, and I believe that if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living.
In case you didn’t make the connection, today is March 10, Mario Day! Fire up that Nintedo and spend some time with your favorite Mario game!
If you’re a long time listener of this podcast, you’ll likely remember that I’m a massive fan of The Legend of Zelda franchise. I’m also a huge fan of The Twilight Zone. As you may have guessed by the episode title, today’s inspiration comes from a beloved episode from season one of The Twilight Zone called, “A Stop at Willoughby.”
The episode centers on Gart Williams. He’s an ad executive in New York City that has grown weary of the high demands of his job. As the episode starts, he’s in a conference room waiting for one of his junior executives to arrive with details of a new multi-million dollar account with an automobile company.
As the episode unfolds, we learn that the deal has fallen through. Gart is held responsible for it and his boss lays into him in front of all his peers. The pressure of the job and the yelling from his boss take a toll, and we see him clutching his gut in pain.
As he travels home via a commuter train, he dreams of a town called Willoughby. It’s a peaceful town where the young kids are fishing, the citizens are strolling through the park, a man is riding a penny farthing, and a band plays music at the nearby bandstand. It’s a town here a man can
slow down to a walk and live his life full-measure. Gart awakens and wonders if the town is a real place and longs to live in such serenity.
As he arrives home, word has already reached his wife about losing the account. Rather than supporting him and offering him encouragement, she belittles him. He tells her of his dream of Willoughby, but she isn’t impressed. She says she’s sick and tired of a husband who lives
in permanent self-pity. Turning the table on him, she says it’s her mistake, her error to get married to a man whose big dream in life is to be Huckleberry Finn.
Gart returns to work over the next few days and each day home he dreams of Willoughby. All the while, his boss continues to push, push, push him to do work that he isn’t suited for in order to please his wife and her desire for fancy things. Finally, he decides that the next time he dreams of Willoughby, he’ll get off the train and make his new home there. And that’s what he does, finding the peace that he’s long sought after.
In the real world, we learn that Gart thrust himself from the speeding train, dying instantly upon impacting the ground. The authorities are called and the funeral home loads his body into the back of their hearse. As they close the door, we learn the name of the funeral parlor is called Willoughby and Sons. Gart has found his peace in Willoughby, but not in the way he expected.
Here’s what I learned.
It’s easy to see why this is such a beloved episode of The Twilight Zone. When that hearse door swings shut and reveals the name Willoughby, it creates one of those great twist endings the show is known for. But what also makes this episode great is the story is so relatable.
How many of us go to work every day to jobs that crush us and eat away at us. How many of us have bosses that yell or toss out insults? Maybe they are driven only by results, never pausing to think or care about the well-being of those in their employ.
Okay, maybe it’s not quite that drastic or dramatic for you. But I bet you’ve had one of those days where nothing went your way. Perhaps a co-worker let you down and you took the blame. Maybe you were gearing up for a big presentation and it all went badly, embarrassing you in the process. Perhaps, despite your best efforts and intentions, the company lost a big account.
I know I’m not the only one who can relate to at least some of what Gart was going through at the office. It’s tough. It can beat us down emotionally, psychologically, and even physically.
A few weeks ago I shared an episode around the principle of being where your feet are. When you’re at the office, be there. When you’re at home, be there. But when these things happen to us like they did Gart, it’s extremely hard not to bring them home.
Not only that, but sometimes the commute home can be stressful just in itself. Whether it’s stop and go traffic with rude drivers, crowded trains, rushing to make a schedule, or just the general frustration that comes with commuting, it’s very hard to leave all that behind the moment you walk through the door to your home.
For some of us, we walk through that door to find a spouse waiting for us. Others of us find some kids there too. And others have a spouse that’s been out all day working their job, and we’re all arriving home, walking through that door, and trying to figure out how to make that transition. It’s tough.
For my wife and I, we each shared a dream that was identical. That was, once we had kids, she would stay at home and be with them. We were willing to do without things that other families enjoyed in order to make that happen, and I had a job that paid well enough to enable us to live out our dream.
This meant that when I came home from that 9-5 job, she and those kids were there waiting on me. There were many days when the stress of the job and the stress of the commute meant that I was not in a good mental state when I arrived home. Perhaps you can relate.
Now our children are grown and I work from home, so that dynamic has changed substantially. However, here’s what we did and a few other tips that I believe will help these tough situations.
First and foremost, you and your spouse must communicate.
If you find that you’re arriving home stressed and uptight, take time to consider why that is. Is it the office, or the commute? Perhaps it’s both. What can you do during your commute that will get you into a better mental place by the time you arrive home? What is going through your mind as you drive? Are you yelling at other drivers? If so, what does that accomplish, really?
Focus on your mental state. Work on staying calm and breathing. Perhaps your musical choices can be used to help. Maybe you find metal music helpful for getting out the rage you’re feeling. Perhaps upbeat and happy music can help turn that frown upside down. Maybe classical music can calm the beast within you. Or, perhaps audio books or podcasts can help shift your thoughts, calm your mental state, and get you to where you need to be by the time you arrive home.
Maybe that’s still not enough. Perhaps you still need time once you get home. That’s the way I was. I remember having a conversation with my wife where I told her that when I walk in the door, I’m simply not ready to be bombarded with things. I’d take about 20-30 minutes to relax, allocate to being home, and make the mental shift to being what she and the kids needed me to be.
I’ve heard of men taking two hours or more to do this. That’s too long. If you really need that much time, I encourage you to reach out to a professional counselor. If you’re taking that much time to adjust to being home, you’re only making the pressure on your spouse worse and your relationships will suffer.
Kari was great about understanding that I needed a few minutes and it worked very well. Still, there were times when I’d walk in the door and she’d say something like, “I know you need some space, but I need you now.” In those moments, I knew that she’d had her own version of a Gart day, and I needed to make the transition immediately. I’d support her in whatever way she needed, and we’d make it through the day.
And that’s so important to remember. That is, your spouse will have Gart days too. If they are a stay at home mom, for example, there are days where the kids are hellions, things get broken, food is ruined, the phone won’t stop ringing, the kids didn’t take a nap, or whatever. She hasn’t spoken to an adult all day and she needs you. You need each other.
Remember, you dreamed of spending the rest of your life with the person you married and you dreamed of the family you’d raise together. Like many things in life, it’s not all butterflies and rainbows. Success comes in the preparation, and the preparation comes by communicating. Communication brings understanding and understanding brings patience and support. When you’re understanding and supporting what each other needs, that’s where serenity is found.
Serenity isn’t the lack of turmoil. Serenity is peace within the turmoil. Once you have that, you’ll find success even on those most difficult of days.
I’m Darrell Darnell, and this has been Stuff I Learned Yesterday.
I want you to be a part of the next Monday Mailbag on March 31st! The submission deadline is coming up at the end of day on Wednesday, March 26th. Monday Mailbag is your opportunity to Share what YOU’VE learned, so that other listeners and I can learn from YOU. It can be a message as short as 30 seconds or several minutes long. It really doesn’t matter just as long as it’s something that will benefit others. You can send in questions or responses to my SILY episodes, and I’ll respond to them via Monday Mailbag episodes. You can participate in Monday Mailbags by visiting the Golden Spiral Media listener feedback page.