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Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Darrell Darnell, today is my 49th birthday, and I believe that if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living.
The original Twilight Zone ran from 1959 until 1964, and if you’ve been listening to this podcast for any length of time, you know that it’s one of my favorite shows of all time. I even have a podcast dedicated to it called Entering the Fifth Dimension.
The final season of the show had 36 episodes, the last of which aired on June 19, 1964. That episode was called “The Bewitchin’ Pool.” It’s not a great episode and is mostly considered a mediocre ending to what was mostly a brilliant show. However, that’s not to say there isn’t plenty of good to find in the episode that we can learn from.
The episode features two parents, Gloria and Gil. They also have two children. Their daughter, Sport, is played by Mary Badham just 2 years removed from her role as Scout Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird. Jeffrey Byron played the role of her brother, Jeb. In his opening monologue, Rod Serling describes their family this way: Introduction to a perfect setting: Colonial mansion, spacious grounds, heated swimming pool. All the luxuries money can buy. Healthy, happy, normal youngsters. Gloria is glamorous by nature. Gil is handsome, prosperous, the picture of success. A man who has achieved every man’s ambition. But Rod warns, don’t look too carefully, don’t peek behind the façade.
As the episode unfolds we learn about what Rod means. Gill comes home from work and he and Gloria immediately begin arguing. The children find refuge in each other and make noise to drown out their arguing parents. The children eventually disappear into the swimming pool in a way that only makes sense in the Twilight Zone. Gil blames Gloria for their disappearance and tells her that she doesn’t spend enough time with the kids. She retorts, “You try putting up with their whining 24 hours a day.”
Once the kids return, the parents have good news for them. The kids assume that means they will stop arguing and start doing fun things with them. Instead, the parents intend to tell them that the arguing is going to end by way of divorce. Trying to get out of the conversation, Gill says, “I’ve got people waiting at the office.” Gloria replies, “For once put your family ahead of your office.”
I’ve mentioned before that in 1999 at the age of 23 I moved to Lubbock, Texas. The company I worked for at the time promoted me and moved me there to open a new store. I worked under the store manager, Sammy, and we were responsible for hiring a staff of over 40 people, training them, and introducing our company to the community. Sammy also had the task of training me to be able to manage my own store and staff when the time was right.
Sammy not only took time to make sure I was prepared to run my own store, but he took the extra step to help prepare me for life. At that stage in my life I had been married only a couple of months. Sammy taught me lessons that would help me be a better husband, and when the time came, a better father.
One of those lessons was simple, yet profound. It stuck in my brain like glue and I’ve kept it at the forefront of my mind for over the last 26 years. I’m now going to share that lesson with you.
The lesson is this: wherever you are, be there. That’s it. Wherever you are, be there.
Sammy went on to explain that we too easily fall into the trap or habit of taking our work home with us or refusing to go home in pursuit of climbing the corporate ladder. Likewise, it’s easy to take the challenges of home with us when we go to work causing us to be distracted, distant, and unfocused. When we do those things, we fail to be our best at either thing. Therefore, wherever you are, be there.
When you’re at work, be there not only physically, but fully mentally as well. Leave work on time. The moment you leave there, leave it behind. The moment you step foot into your home, be there. Be active, engaged, and present with your spouse and children. When you’re on vacation, be there. When you’re at a recital, be there. Wherever you are, be there.
Here’s what I learned.
There’s another episode of The Twilight Zone that you may recall. It’s called “Time Enough at Last” and it’s the one where a man, Henry Bemis, likes to read but his boss and his wife, Helen, refuse to let him. He survives a nuclear blast by taking his lunch in the bank vault where he works. He soon realizes he’s now alone and discovers all sorts of books to read at the crumbled remains of the library. Just as he prepares to begin reading, his glasses fall off his face and break. His vision is too poor to read without them. “That’s not fair. That’s not fair at all,” he says. “There was time now. There was all the time I needed. It’s not fair. It’s not fair.”
It’s a beloved episode of The Twilight Zone and most people sympathize with the meek, hapless Mr. Beemis who just wanted to read. The poor man’s shrew of a wife wouldn’t let him read, and the universe comes in and carries out a cruel punishment to further torment him.
I used to see it that way too. I don’t want to ruin it for you, but now I see the episode differently. Can you imagine a world where it makes sense that Henry and Helen got married? Based on what we see in the episode it certainly doesn’t make sense. But there must have been a time when they loved each other.
Let’s look at it this way. If Henry asked her out to dinner and all he did was read the menu and ketchup bottles the entire time, do you think she would have gone out with him again? If he took her on a picnic or a walk in the park and he spent the entire time with his nose in a book, do you think she would have agreed to another date? No, of course not, let alone marrying him.
At some point he must have shown her value by giving her his attention. And at some point she must have found out he loved to read and may have even found it charming. But at some point something changed. Maybe he began to read more and show less attention to her. Perhaps she began degrading him or calling him names so he read more as a way of finding refuge.
One thing is clear. By the time we find ourselves in the story, she despises him, belittles him, and treats him like a child. He ignores her, only wants to read, and finds spending social time with her to be a distraction. Their relationship is broken. Is he the hapless victim? No. He’s played some sort of direct role in the breakdown of his marriage by refusing to be present with his wife.
We’ve seen it depicted in countless ways for all of our lives. Families torn apart by a variety of things, most of which can be summed up by failing to be present. I will always be grateful to Sammy for teaching me this valuable lesson at such a young age. It helped me establish boundaries that have protected my marriage, my family, and my career. Boundaries are incredibly important. When we fail to honor them, other things creep in, take over, steal us away, and leave a wake of destruction in their path.
The good news is, it’s never too late to change direction and correct boundaries we’ve allowed to be broken. Wherever you are, be there. Otherwise, we’ll end up at the end of life or the end of our rope and realize that we’ve spent our entire lives being nowhere at all.
I’m Darrell Darnell, and this has been Stuff I Learned Yesterday.
I want you to be a part of the next Monday Mailbag on March 31st! Monday Mailbag is your opportunity to Share what YOU’VE learned, so that other listeners and I can learn from YOU. It can be a message as short as 30 seconds or several minutes long. It really doesn’t matter just as long as it’s something that will benefit others. You can send in questions or responses to my SILY episodes, and I’ll respond to them via Monday Mailbag episodes. You can send in questions or responses to my SILY episodes, and I’ll respond to them via Monday Mailbag episodes. You can participate in Monday Mailbags by visiting the Golden Spiral Media listener feedback page.