Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 16:02 — 9.8MB) | Embed

Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday.  My name is Darrell Darnell, I was voted most creative of the Wellston, OK graduating class of 1994, and I believe that if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living.  In today’s episode of Stuff I Learned Yesterday I share a very special story about mentoring.

Today’s episode is bit different and a bit longer than normal. Because of that, I’m shortening up some of the stuff at the beginning of the show.  I’d love for you to share what you’ve learned by participating in this week’s Friday Forum.  Submit your Friday Forum contribution by calling 304-837-2278 or sending in an audio file to feedback@goldenspiralmedia.com

What I Learned Yesterday:
Today’s episode is a story told from two perspectives.  One perspective is mine, and the other is from a friend named Emilee.  Some of you know her on Twitter or in our community as Fauxmeonce.  

I asked Emilee if she’d be willing to share her side of this story with the idea that I would then weave them together in a This American Life sort of way.  We did not compare notes or talk about what each of us would say.  She sent me her perspective of the story and I chronicled my side.  Only after I had finished my side of the story did I look at what she said.  It brought me to tears.  Here’s the story:

Darrell:
I first “met” Emilee when she became an interactive member of The Fringe Podcast audience.  She started participating in our chat room while Fringe episodes were airing and during our live shows.  I don’t really have any strong memories of her from this period of time, but at some point she started sending in feedback.  Her feedback contributions were always something special and really impressive to me.

Emilee:
I began listening to the Fringe Podcast just before the third season began. The show posed such engaging questions for which I had a few answers. In college I was an English major, so I was not unfamiliar with analysis, but I also had never watched television or movies in the way the hosts of the podcast were watching the show. What was even more remarkable was that they could have a conversation about it. They were friends, they made themselves vulnerable to criticism and then made their conversation available to curious minds like my own.

Darrell:
No one else saw the show quite the same way she did, or at least if they did, no one articulated it like she did.  She was so thoughtful and introspective.  She pulled in areas of literature and saw character arcs with a deeper perception that I did.  I often wished that she was sitting in my chair hosting the podcast and said as much pretty much every week.

Emilee:
The debates I do best in have to do with apologetics and literature because that is where the primary gut of my studies have landed. These are the topics I know best and feel comfortable having a discussion about. I study my Bible and I read a lot. Talking about things I am unfamiliar with, even if the topic seems relatively innocent or unremarkable, usually causes me to lock up and not say much, because I usually end up saying stupid things if my mouth opens. Despite this, Fringe drew me in, even more so because I was so enthralled with these two random guys in Oklahoma talking about it every week. They taught me how to watch for clues and who JJ Abrams is, and his style of mysterious storytelling. And by just listening to them talk, I began to see that whether I knew what I was talking about or not, I wanted to join the conversation.

Nothing builds confidence like a healthy support group. The Fringe Podcast community, which eventually became the Golden Spiral Media community, is like AA for Fringe nerds. My very first feedback was received well and it helped to further personalize Clint and Darrell to me. My participation was spotty until season five when the season story arc struck me profoundly and, much to my dismay, was ill received by many fans.

And I think that’s when the gloves came off. I’d held back a lot because when I let the nerd take over many people find me overwhelming or too fanatical. Based on my personal history I’ve had this notion that I annoy people if I become too involved or passionate. I can visibly tell I turn some people off when I let my guard down and really just lay out how I interpret or analyze a given event.

Darrell:
When Fringe announced the date of the series finale, we announced that we’d be putting on a finale party for all those who wanted to come to Oklahoma City and watch it with us.  We had about 50 people come to OKC and Emilee was one of them.  Immediately after the episode aired, we turned the webcam on and we recorded an initial reaction podcast.  In addition to the 50 people at the event, we had about 700 people watching us do the podcast online.

When it came time for us to open up the mics to the audience members I was really curious to hear what Emilee had to say.  She was very reluctant to come up to the microphone.

Emilee:
Well, sending in feedback to a podcast is easy. I get to write it out first and no one hears my fingers deleting and rephrasing sentences. My style of writing and analysis makes it difficult to speak in front of people when I don’t know what I’m going to say. I’m constantly wanting to edit myself as I go, or hold up a finger so I can research stupid little details. My fingers are faster than my tongue. I analyze slowly and carefully. I think things through and consult experts. I read and I listen to lectures. I know that I am this way and I’ve come to expect it and plan around it.

There seemed to be this assumption I was a natural public speaker.

I am not.

I crumble.

And crumble I did. I attempted, I did attempt, to shove in the fear aside for the sake of the Fringe Finale party. But my body reacts involuntarily to the pressure of speaking in front of people. My mind goes completely blank and I quite literally begin to shake.

Darrell:
What happened next was unexpected.  Emilee stumbled over her words, repeated unformed sentences, made awkward jokes, and fumbled with the microphone.  She eventually gave up and sat back down.  We moved on with the rest of the show and others shared their opinions, but I felt bad.  I knew that she had a fear of public speaking, but I coaxed her up there anyway.  I felt responsible for her embarrassment.

Emilee:
I mean, embarrassment is one thing, and I embarrassed myself enough to get over that pretty quickly. What I experience…It’s more like severe disappointment in myself. Frustration, shame, and a misguided or misappropriated impression that what has just occurred has made me less of a person, less worthy of people to care about me or interest invest in me. Shame, yeah. It’s shame.

When I personally look back on it, I literally twitch. I body physically reacts to the bad memory, and it brings back feelings of shame.

But luckily my story doesn’t end here. I give you this background because there is no way you can understand how significant the next part is unless you know my state of mind leading into the next several months.

Darrell:
I began sending her private tweets telling her that I thought she’d be a good podcaster and that I thought we should do something together.

Emilee:
You can imagine where I am right now, from a purely psychological standpoint. This is just weeks after the Fringe Finale party, right? And internally I’m thinking, not only would I not be able to handle holding conversations with someone else on the fly the way Darrell and Clint did for five years on the podcast, but imagine my poor co-host having to deal with my mental breakdown on a weekly basis.

We continued to talk via Twitter, and when I could see that she’d made a significant step in her confidence or an important step toward podcasting, I would send her a tweet and tell her to make a note.  Emilee and I would next see each other at Dragon Con over Labor Day weekend and it was then that I planned to reveal to her what I’d been doing.

And I shouldn’t say pushing, it was much nicer and much more encouraging than pushing. As I said, it was a consistent gentle hand putting just enough pressure on me so as to point me in the right direction. Looking back on it all, I can both see how Darrell was priming me and how I was  fully ignorant of the intentionality by which he prepared me for that first podcast. Within just a couple months, Darrell and I started podcasting together about Falling Skies and while I still felt completely inept, Darrell remained a consistent, guiding force.

Darrell:
I felt like it was the perfect opportunity for us.  It was a TV show that Emilee and I both loved, and the format of TV Talk was much shorter than the shows that we do for Golden Spiral Media.

We started the Falling Skies podcast for TV Talk the night of the season 3 premiere, June 9, 2013.  This was the first podcast Emilee had ever hosted.  She was nervous and very unsure about herself.  TV Talk does not live stream their shows, so there was no audience to worry about.  It was just the two of us talking about a TV show and we could take as much time as we needed.  I would be editing the show for TV Talk so she didn’t have to worry about going over our allotted time.

I thought the show went great and each show after that was better.  Emilee emerged from her shell and quickly got more confident each week.  Several members of The Fringe Podcast still get together each Friday and watch Fringe.  During one of those rewatches around the time of our Falling Skies show, Emilee was absent.  Since she wasn’t there, people took the opportunity to talk about her.  They talked about how much they enjoyed hearing her on the Falling Skies show for TV Talk and how good she was at podcasting.  I sent Emilee a private Twitter message and told her make a note for Dragon Con.

Darrell:
A few weeks later it was time to start lining up TV Talk shows for the fall TV season.  I decided that I was going to give Emilee another show, but this time it would not be with me.  I paired her with a guy named Dave for TV Talk Revolution.  When she found out that she’d been given another show and she’d have Dave as a co-host, she sent me a message.  She was PUMPED!  I told her to make a note for Dragon Con.  By the time Dragon Con came around Emilee probably had 5 or 6 reminders on her phone set to go off and ask me what exactly they meant.

Emilee:
It wasn’t until Falling Skies had ended and I met up with some friends at Dragon Con over Labor Day Weekend 2013 that I realized everything I thought I knew about my life… at least that podcasting life…. Was wrong. For several weeks, Darrell had been telling me to keep a running list of things we need to talk about while in Atlanta. And, quite honestly, a lot of the details escape me about this next story because of how much it took me by surprise.

Emilee:
On the morning of the cosplay parade, Darrell took me aside and told me some things that really shook the perception I have of myself. He said, Emilee….I believe you have a voice that needs to be heard.

Darrell:
I revealed that I had made it my mission to mentor her and give her the confidence to be a podcaster.  She had gone from that crippled person at the Fringe party in January to a confident podcaster in September.  Did you notice her reaction to Revolution?  No fear!  No need for me to be her safety net!  

Emilee:
To my complete shock, and alarming realization of total unawareness of my own life, the same Darrell who’s voice I met on a run in the summer of 2010, had just admitted to mentoring me through one of my most poignant fears. To say no one has ever done this for me before would be an understatement. I’ve always had consistent and encouraging guidance from my parents who helped me get through the socializing faux pas of my adolescence, and a strong upbringing in faith in Jesus has helped guide me through the very unusual course my life took in high school. But I’ve never had someone outside my family notice me in this way before. No professor, no employer.

Based on what you all already know of Darrell from his very personal stories on stuff I learned yesterday it should come as no surprise that he thought this through and approached it the way he did. Because taking the incentive to start something like the Fringe Podcast indicates two things to me. 1) an ability to notice something no one else does, and 2) a passion for engaging people and starting a conversation.

I am in no way a proficient and perfect podcaster now, but on a personal level I’ve grown and learned so much. I am more confident behind a microphone. I know how to have a conversation about events that just happened without having a lot of time to think about it.

Here’s what I learned.
Darrell:
Investing in people is one of the most rewarding things you can do.  I’m sure Emilee will say something about how I helped her and she learned through this experience.  But that’s only half the story.  I learned the value of investing in people, and I experienced joy as she took each new step.  I learned how to be a better communicator, and I learned how to better build up someone else’s confidence.  

Emilee:
Having a discussion with someone else, whether it’s recorded for the world to hear or just to engage someone intellectually, is about vulnerability and humility. My problem was, I tried to be a writer while I was podcasting and that took me down the wrong path. Truth is, I stepped into a new medium that requires a different skill set. What Darrell taught me he did so through consistent demonstration. He saw something in my nature that existed in a different form and helped coax it out through repetition and exposure within the medium of podcasting.

Darrell:
I hope that Emilee now has the confidence she needs to believe in herself in other areas.  This was a big step for her and if she can overcome her fear of public speaking, she can overcome other things too.  In fact we all can overcome those things in our lives that cripple us, but we often can do it alone.  

Emilee:
One of the best and kindest ways we can teach people a skill is by providing ourselves as an example. It doesn’t mean we have to be perfect at it, it just means we have to care. Had Darrell not taken the time to befriend me and offer up his assistance while simultaneously encouraging me to confront my fear, I would not have been able to separate what I can do from what I can’t do. It motivates me to look around myself immediate circle of influence and look for someone in the way Darrell saw me. Who needs a little coaxing, a little mentorship, to climb out of their shell?

Darrell:
Maybe you’re like Emilee and overwhelmed with fear.  I encourage you to find someone that you can trust and ask them to help guide you through overcoming that fear.  Maybe you’re like me and you’ve walked a road that others fear and have experience that can benefit others.  Take a look around for someone who needs a guide and mentor them.  You’ll both be glad you did.

From Darrell Darnell and Emilee O’Leary, this has been stuff I learned yesterday.

If you’ve enjoyed this episode of Stuff I Learned Yesterday, I would be grateful if you’d leave a review in iTunes or Stitcher.

[sc:stuff]