Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Darrell Darnell, I usually drink my iced tea with no sweetener, and I believe that if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living. In today’s episode of Stuff I Learned Yesterday I share the value I’ve learned in saying, “no.”

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What I Learned Yesterday:
I believe that setting priorities and boundaries are very important. For example, my biggest priorities are my family, my church, and my business. Within each of those parts of my life, and all the other parts of my life, I have to set boundaries. With my business, I have boundaries on the type of work I will do based on my skills and values. I have boundaries on the types of products I will endorse or partner with. I have boundaries on the times of day and days of week that clients can contact me. I’m sure you have your own set of boundaries as well.

One of the things that I’ve learned the hard way is that sometimes boundaries have to be drawn on the amount of things that I commit to.

About 7 or 8 years ago I was doing a massive amount of work at my church. We have always been a small church so that means that we all have to step up to fulfill various roles. I really enjoy being involved with church ministry so rolling up my sleeves and getting to work has never been a problem for me. My problem has been saying “no.”

So during a stretch of several months during that time I was wearing a bunch of hats. I was the worship leader, I led the college age Bible study on Sunday mornings, led a small group Bible study on Sunday nights, headed up the finance team, and served on the ministry development team. There were times when I might be at the church more evenings that I was at home. I also had a full time job and my family to to devote myself to.

After several months of juggling all of these duties, I began to burn out. The truth was, I couldn’t possibly give any of these things the focus and energy that they deserved. I finally reached a point where something had to go. I had originally agreed to step in as the worship leader only as a temporary fix until the church could find a permanent worship leader.

I approached the pastor first and let him know that I needed to step down as worship leader. He understood and the church was able to find someone else to lead for a while until they eventually found a regular worship leader. At the end of our small group session I told the church leadership that I would not be returning as a small group leader the following fall. This gave them plenty of time to find someone else. When my term came up for leading the finance team, I opted not to serve on an additional team.

After all those decisions were made, I was left with one ministry team and the college Bible study group. It was great! I could breathe again. I could focus again.

Over time things have continued to change and I’ve taken on new roles and left behind other roles. For the last several years I’ve been the regular worship leader and I’ve served on one committee at a time. This balance has allowed me to keep energized about the things I do and avoid burnout.

However, since I took the leap to entrepreneurialism last year, my whole life dynamic has changed.

I now no longer have a 9 to 5 job. Sometimes I work late, sometimes very late. Sometimes I take off on a random afternoon and go have lunch with my kids or have a nice lunch with my wife. But honestly, I work a lot more hours now than I ever have before. There’s a lot of work involved with owning and building a business.

Boundaries are still incredibly valuable in my life and I’m finding it more challenging than ever to find where to put those boundaries. In many respects, I own two different companies. Golden Spiral Media is now a podcasting network with 15 podcasts currently releasing episodes. I have over 25 hosts to assist as necessary and a variety of ideas and projects working on that front.

On the other hand, I have several podcasting clients that I serve. Those folks are the ones that pay my bills and keep sandwiches on my table. I’m in the middle of a major overhaul of that business and it is requiring an immense amount of my time. If all goes as planned, the overhaul will have a big impact on my business. But right now, it’s putting a crunch on everything else in my life.

Here’s what I’m learning.

Life will always be as busy as we allow it to be. We can fill it up with more stuff than we ever thought possible. Here’s an illustration that Dr. Steven Covey used in his book, “First Things First.”

One day this expert was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration I’m sure those students will never forget. After I share it with you, you’ll never forget it either.

As this man stood in front of the group of high-powered over-achievers he said, “Okay, time for a quiz.” Then he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed mason jar and set it on a table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar.

When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, “Is this jar full?” Everyone in the class said, “Yes.” Then he said, “Really?” He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks.

Then he smiled and asked the group once more, “Is the jar full?” By this time the class was onto him. “Probably not,” one of them answered. “Good!” he replied. And he reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in and it went into all the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, “Is this jar full?”

“No!” the class shouted. Once again he said, “Good!” Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked up at the class and asked, “What is the point of this illustration?”

One eager beaver raised his hand and said, “The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard, you can always fit some more things into it!”

“No,” the speaker replied, “that’s not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don’t put the big rocks in first, you’ll never get them in at all.”

What are the big rocks in your life? A project that you want to accomplish? Time with your loved ones? Your faith, your education, your finances? A cause? Teaching or mentoring others? Remember to put these Big Rocks in first or you’ll never get them in at all.

I love this illustration. It hits me like a ton of rocks every time I read it. Put the most important stuff in first, and know when to say no.

I’m Darrell Darnell and this has been stuff I learned yesterday.

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